


Here With Me

by TheBirdBotherer



Series: Eternal [1]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Anxiety Attacks, Anxiety Disorder, Dubious Consent, Eventual Female Lavellan/Solas (Dragon Age), F/M, NSFW, Pining Solas (Dragon Age), Please don’t read if you’re easily offended, Post-Dragon Age: Inquisition - Trespasser DLC, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Protective Solas, Sexy Solas (Dragon Age), Slow Build, Slow Burn, Solas Offsprings, Solas bathes the Inquisitor, Solas heals the inquisitor, Solavellan Hell, solas kept her arm in a glass case, subSolas, submissive solas, yes that's right they have kids
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-08
Updated: 2021-02-28
Packaged: 2021-03-07 01:15:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Underage
Chapters: 25
Words: 30,144
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26358577
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheBirdBotherer/pseuds/TheBirdBotherer
Summary: POST TRESPASSERLeft to die, cold and hungry and bleeding, breathless and choking. Who knew Inquisitor Lavellan would fall at the hands of common bandits and starvation?As Lavellan drew her final breath, all she could see was six green eyes bleeding into the night sky, getting closer and closer.Alas, the Dread Wolf takes her.--Includes Solas bathing an unconscious inquisitor and also finding out that he has.. offspring.--A post Trespasser Inquisitor is found dying and bleeding to death by Solas, who saves her and protects her from his oncoming wrath on Thedas. Solas has every intention to include and make her his Queen and Commander, but has he hurt Lavellan too much to turn her mind?
Relationships: Female Inquisitor/Solas (Dragon Age), Female Lavellan/Solas, Fen'Harel | Solas/Female Lavellan, solavellan - Relationship
Series: Eternal [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1956265
Comments: 48
Kudos: 113





	1. What they will write

Damp and loamy was the soil wedged under her fingernails. It has come to the point whereby her body has gotten accustomed and was beginning to tune out the sting of the lacerations from various blunt and sharp weapons. It didn’t help that she only had one arm to defend herself. Her staff shattered in pieces around her, Veridium crystals glowing faintly as the magic drained from its core. It reminded her of her heart beating slower and slower.

Perhaps she deserved this. Perhaps she was trying to relive her glory days by rushing to the poor mage’s help with one arm and no backup. She observed the lightning illuminate the forest around her, the rain pouring from the evening sky reminding her of exactly how insignificant she was. She tried to call for help but no words came from her lips, the rope around her neck made sure of that.

Coughing with whatever strength she had left, she allowed bitterness, resentment and hopelessness permeate her thoughts.

~~_Unloved, uncredited, unworthy._ ~~

What will they write of her in the history books; _“Here lies Inquisitor Lavellan, who let Fen’Harel escape, who mostly stood around and let Cassandra deal with demons as she picks elf root.”_

It was almost poetic, the elf body nestled in the hills of the Emerald Graves, almost tranquil if you didn’t look too closely. Armour glistening and battered, her braids stained with blood. Arms twisted in an unnatural position attached barely to a dislocated shoulder.

Left to die, cold and hungry and bleeding, breathless and choking. Who knew Inquisitor Lavellan would fall at the hands of common bandits and starvation? As Lavellan drew her final breath, all she could see was six green eyes bleeding into the night sky, getting closer and closer.

_Alas, the Dread Wolf takes her._


	2. Oblivion

The water was milky in the marble bath sunken into the floor. Herbs and flowers of various strengths swirled around his body. Above him, the arches of the atrium in the bathroom adorned with gems and precious metals, casting upon a warm glow within the chamber. This castle used to belong to a King, abandoned to time and war.

Ages ago it would have been more splendid than the present. Solas has borrowed this palace for his people. A roof over their heads, warm meals, respect and compassion; it is difficult to turn Fen’Harel down when all they’ve known before was abuse and discrimination. He shut his eyes tightly, perhaps the herbal bath would ease the growing pains which seemingly have come from nowhere on his body. He felt it worsen every minute - a slash on his back, a whip on his leg, an arrow piercing his lung.Solas inhaled sharply, trying to gather air back into his body but he felt unable to breathe deeply. 

Uthenera does hold off on aging but injury is another matter altogether. Sparring with his generals today, he might have taken it too far. Solas’ eyes flew open with a sudden wave of nausea. A violent cough erupted unexpectedly from his lips, he could taste the blood on his tongue, metallic scent filling his nose.

Bringing his hands to his face, he notices his blood splattered across slender fingers. The bath was slowly growing crimson, threads of blood dispersing from wounds that were opening up on his body. Coughing some more, he jumped from his herbal bath and reached for the towel hanging close by. He felt his heart rate fluttering, panic and fear gripping his thoughts. Blinking erratically, he was met with the onslaught of anger, fear, self loathing and fatigue. With every blink, he saw the trees grow from the ground horizontally, rain falling from the other direction, veridium shards scattered across the earth as lightning illuminated the scene for brief moments at a time. It was weak, but unmistakably her. 

_Here lies Inquisitor Lavellan of Dalish descent, who let Fen’Harel escape, who mostly stood around and let Cassandra deal with demons as she picks elf root._

It came as a whisper, a sarcastic scoff of self pity, followed by darkness. 

**_Vhenan!_ **

A deep and guttural growl escaped his chest. Blood stained teeth melted into fangs, bony fingers into claw. With so much force that he displaces much of the water in his bath, he lunges towards the window closest to him.

Overlooking the Emerald Graves and hidden in plain sight by magic, his stronghold stood silent and eternal. Solas raced through the forest, barely landing his feet for a second with each leap. Claws digging deep into the damp soil and grass, he fought his panic and anxiety and called out to her for the first time since he left her in Haven's ruins.

**_Where are you, beloved? Call to me, guide me to you._ **

For this very brief moment, he felt appreciation that the Inquisitor had chosen to drink from the Well of Sorrows, for it is that simple act that links their minds. He had never used the link to call forth to her until he felt her pain as visceral as his own.

There in the clearing, bent unnaturally, lifeless and still, lay his Inquisitor.


	3. the door of the subconscious

A door appeared in her bed chamber one day.

It was ordinary - lacquered wood with a plain silver handle. No one was sure what was behind it, maybe it was there the whole time. Lavellan began to wonder how one could even prove that the passage of time was in fact happening, and she started losing touch with reality. One day, she noticed the door was open. Ajar and swaying slightly, innocuous and quiet. She tightened her grip on her staff, going to get Cullen or Iron Bull might be an overreaction to an open door, so she didn’t bother. Inching closer, she thought about how ridiculous it was that she was afraid of a door. She notices a long, dark corridor lined with ice.

The ice was melting, dripping steady like a slow heartbeat. Her hand reached for the doorknob, ready to shut the door. Perhaps it was an escape route out of Skyhold? A cold hand covered hers on the doorknob. She swung around with a gasp, only to see it was herself.

Fragile, bleeding from various gashes and wounds, and angry. Her braids were in absolute disarray and large chunks of her armour were almost as if they were bitten off. It screamed, one hand clawing into her shoulder and pushed her into the long dark corridor before slamming the door shut behind her.

“No!” Ellana shrieked, banging on the door, now left in complete darkness. “Let me in!!” Her heart pounded against her chest, resolute and angry.

Instinctively, she conjured a ball of fire and aimed it at the door, but just as the fire touched the wood, the door disappeared completely and she was left standing in front of a wall of ice. A cry of frustration left her throat, echoing through the length of the frozen corridor. It was just her now, all alone.

She let out another scream, echoing across the large atrium of the room.

“Shhhhh, you’re safe, you’re okay. You’re going to be okay.” Solas whispered, lips against her forehead where he had wrapped her in his arms. “Just a bad dream. It’s not going to hurt you, it’s just a bad dream.”

Rocking her in his arms, he pulled the fur blanket tighter against her body, careful not to disturb the bandages his healers had just applied for her. The bed under them was soft and malleable, a welcome change compared to what she had been used to for the past year of wandering since the Inquisition disbanded.

Covered in silk sheets of green and pink embroidery, pillows stacked up high to prop Solas in his half upright position. Panting, disoriented, and flooded with the remnants of emotion from her recent encounter with her nightmare self, Ellana searched the room for comfort.

“Bad dream…” She echoed with her rasp and cracking voice. “Yes, just a bad dream. You’re safe now.” His voice was so familiar, so warm and tender.

It is a lie.

He is a liar.


	4. the arm

The room was covered in murals. Paints of silver, gold, moss, scarlet, lapis burst forth in a conflagration of shapes, light, and stories. One stood out to her the most, directly on the ceiling.

An elf mage carrying a lirium infused staff laying across a mossy forest floor, one missing arm; a wolf with six eyes curled around her as they look at the cherry blossoms falling from the trees. Birds and beasts alike all around them. Peaceful, happy, together. A pair of wolf pups by their feet, playing with the falling petals. Ellana’s eyes flickered to Solas. She didn’t expect to feel so free of anger upon seeing him again. He said nothing, eyebrows furrowed in concern as he brought his palm up to the curve of her cheek.

Reflections of the fireplace flickered along the length of the room, candles in the shape of black lillies illuminated each corner. She noticed the faint scent of cedar and rose, it was always in his study in a small incense box. 

“Solas-“ a fire burned in her throat as soon as she tried to speak, throbbing with pain. She swallowed hard, the taste of blood fresh on her tongue. Her senses were beginning to return to her. Her body battered, and unable to move. 

She remembers what happened. 

Moving from town to town, Ellana sought to help where she could - often met with distaste; great admiration; or questions that she did not have answers to. She was no longer a fighter of any kind. Wielding a staff was difficult, even putting on her armour was difficult. She sought out Clan Lavellan only to realise that they were no where to be found, their aravels abandoned, their halla set free. 

She had tracked them back to the Emerald Graves, searching one of the caves near the river, only to be ambushed by bandits who were hiding in the cave from imperial soldiers. Upon realising who she was, they blamed her for Empress Celene’s death and proceeded to deliver upon her their anger. 

Reaching to the bedside table, Solas brought a glass of warm milk to her lips. 

“Drink this, I’ve infused some healing potion for your throat.” 

With some hesitation, Ellana finished the entire glass before returning the glass to Solas. He dabbed the corners of her lips with his sleeve before pressing her closer to his chest and enveloping her in the warmth of the blankets once more. 

Radiating from her solar plexus, she could feel her strength returning despite her various flesh wounds. He was real, he was right there, next to her, unharmed. His heartbeat, steady and anxious against her ear. His hands tangled in her hair, on the small of her back, his leg draped over hers. 

“You left me. You took my arm, and you left me.” Ellana sobbed softly into his chest. 

“I know, I’m so so sorry. I’m so sorry.” He purred, fingers massaging her scalp. “This is all my fault, I should have reached out to you sooner. It wasn’t ready for you, I wasn’t good enough for you, It’s ready now, our people are together, and safe, and they are ready now.” 

“Ready for what?”

Solas did not respond, pulling her into a spoon. 

On the mantle above the fireplace lay a glass box. An arm, blackened and decaying with streaks of green pulsing in the cracks lay dormant within. 

“That’s my arm isn’t it?” Ellana whispered. “You went and had a glass casing made to contain my arm? That’s.. kind of sweet of you.” 

He chuckled through his tears. “It’s lyrium infused serault glass. I carried your arm in my rucksack for six months, wrapped in a blanket and preserved with magic until I found someone willing to make me a case for it. It was difficult to answer the question ‘ what is the case for ‘ and ‘is that the inquisitor’s hand’ so I was initially going to just hold onto it until I could decide what to do with it. Rift magic is not something you can just.. contain. Dagna provided some assistance on that matter, she’s actually doing rather well with us.” 

_ “Dagna is here?!” _

“Clan Lavellan is also here, they’re downstairs at the moment. Your Keeper Deshanna helped with healing you whilst you were unconscious.”

It was like a stone was lifted from her shoulders, her family was safe and sound, that’s all she really wanted for them. 

“Let’s not turn this into a trend, the whole… _I’m unconscious and you’re taking care of me_ thing.”

Solas let out a small cackle before smothering her in kisses. 

“I will always take care of you, I don’t deserve you but I will always take care of you. Leaving you was the most painful thing I have ever had to do. It was like ripping out a piece of my soul, one of the stupidest things I’ve ever convinced myself that I needed to do ever.”

“You mean stupider than breaking up with me right after taking my vallaslin?”

Solas let out a sigh, his hands gripping tighter around the Inquisitor. 

“I make stupid decisions when it comes to you.” 


	5. She's learning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Solas discovers a suspicious scar on the Inquisitor's abdomen. 
> 
> Does she have.. secrets?

The falling rain bounced off the granite walls of their castle. For that moment, it felt like nothing mattered but his attention, his eyes dancing across her figure, his hands traversing her body and attending to her wounds. 

As expected, Ellana was quite weak after her narrow escape. For the following week, she remained in his chambers hidden away. Meals were delivered up to their doorstep regularly, although no other elf would enter. Solas would go to the door, pick up the platter which rattled with various food items, and set it down by the bed. He would cut her food into little pieces, bring it to her lips, and smile when she finished everything. After, he would check on her wounds, healing her with his newfound power, and enchant her back into sleep, only to wake her for the next meal. 

Solas was simply happy she hadn’t noticed him slipping valerian root tonic into her food, if only to ease her anxiety and promote sleep. He hasn’t fully decided whether he would reveal the full extent of his plans to her yet. Regardless, Solas was happy to care for her and spoil her as much as he could between recruiting, training and educating previous elf slaves of their freedoms. It was a relief to be around Ellana who perhaps most closely understood him. He recalls she wanted to come and help right before he ripped her arm off. 

Watching his beloved fall back into plant induced slumber, Solas decided it might be a good idea to clean her and change her clothing before she woke up again. He was unsure how she would respond if she knew how injured and broken her body truly was. Locking the doors of his chambers with a wooden barricade which extended across the door, he approached the bath in the following atrium and conjured water with the wave of his hand. 

He could hear Mythal whispering in his mind, it made him smile if slightly. 

_ You really love her, don’t you?  _

**_ Yes.  _ **

_ I’m happy for you.  _

**_ Thank you.  _ **

Grasping a bundle of roses from the nearby vase, he proceeded to remove their petals and scatter them within the bath now wafting with steam. Domestic, simple, the pleasures of caring for his beloved was a wonderful feeling. He laid out a moss green silk dress matching his own moss green tunic on the nearby chair, as well as fresh towels. With deft hands, he undid his own garment, allowing it to fall to the floor before approaching the bed to fetch Ellana. With great care, he unfurls her gown, bandages and removes her from the blankets. 

Descending silently into the water, he holds her close to his form, pressing a kiss over her forehead. With the soft pattering rain outside, Solas runs a sponge across her wounds, noticing that they are coagulating and healing fast. Bruises are turning from plum to a deep shade of yellow and brown across her ribcage. Solas submerges her hair partially in the water, using his hand to comb the ends out as they floated about before cupping several handfuls of water and pouring them over her scalp. 

Solas couldn’t help himself but shut his eyes, pressing his lips against hers before travelling to her neck, leaving various red marks on the unconscious Inquisitor. She purred slightly but did not awaken. His hands gliding across her lithe form, the curves of her breasts, the muscular slender abdomen and her scar- 

_** Wait.  ** _


	6. bliss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Solas wonders why Ellana has not told her about the scar, and his mind goes wild imagining whose children she could have bore.

Solas froze. 

His fingers traveled along a horizontal raised scar roughly 10cm wide horizontal across her lower abdomen. Examining it further, it seemed to be an older injury, although he does not remember her ever being hit at the abdominal area. 

His thoughts raced, one year since he took her arm, two years since he left her in Haven.. 

He had kept tabs on Cullen, he was out doing what he does best; he hadn’t had contact with the Inquisitor the entire time, and it wasn’t like him to knock someone up and not take responsibility. No, Cullen was too family oriented for that. Cullen loves children and dogs. 

He had kept tabs on the Inquisitor as well, and in none of these reports did his spies mention anything about her being pregnant at any point. Solas briefly questioned the efficacy of his spies, they would have noticed. They should have. 

Dragging his thumb across her cheekbone, Solas rested his forehead on hers and lifted her out of the bath water. He placed her across the bed where the towel was laid out and proceeded to dry and redress her, this time leaving her wounds open so they could dry naturally and scab. 

Solas pulls the blankets back over her body, lighting a candle in the room before he made his way back downstairs. 

The cacophony of a new army was unmistakable and jarring. Amongst the now unmarked elves was Abelas and his Sentinels, now in charge of protecting and enchanting their defences as they have for thousands of years before. 

“Everything is going smoothly, Keeper Deshanna is wondering when she might be allowed to see Ellana again, she would like to - “

“ - She’s still unconscious and healing, I have left her to sleep since last week, perhaps she deserves to rest and heal before we overwhelm her?” 

“Of course. Either way, I’ve told her Keeper that she is with the healers and she is in good hands.”

“Thank you.”

Abelas bows respectfully before heading off in the direction he came in.


	7. Cole knows something

Solas made his rounds in the kitchen, ensuring everyone had food and supplies. He wanted to make sure all the new elves coming in felt safe, at home and able to express their thoughts. The armoury had enough metal, the mages had herbs and Lirium stores. Stables were big enough for horses, halla, and beasts of all kinds. Children were able to run about in the gardens and waterfalls, Keepers keen eyes following closely. The weak and sick had safe beds and healers and Cole. 

Maybe he didn’t have to bring the Veil down. Maybe this was enough, this piece of happiness. Where there is strength, there is the threat of war, he dismissed this thought quickly. What must follow is carved in stone. He only intended for his beloved Inquisitor to survive this, and whatever offspring she bore - 

Solas shook his head, the thought of her with another man.. it filled him with rage as real and dangerous as the fires that burned the Exalted Plains. Distracted and slightly agitated, he tried to think about what else needed to be done. There were several wandering clans of the Dalish out there still, he has already sent his scouts to bring them to the headquarters but he has yet to hear from them. 

Giggling elf maidens run past him with linked hands and ribbons in their hair, glancing shyly at him in shining armour before turning the corner and hiding. He had attracted much attention as he tried to gather his forces. Solas let out a sigh, shutting his eyes and quickly running down his to do list before he returned to his chambers to bring Ellana her evening supper. He was going to have some lemon cake made for her, it was her favourite. 

“ Turning, twirling, tangled like vines. Tortured and tainted, but turning to light, her eyes glistening with joy, her hands around your -“

“ What did I say about privacy?” He chuckled, not turning around. 

“ You’re happier, why do you lie to Keeper Deshanna? Do you wish to keep her for yourself?” 

“ Cole, please, just a moment more.”

Cole said nothing further, but instead handed him a baby’s blanket. 

Solas’ eyes met Cole’s. 

He knew. 

“ It’s not my place, I won’t say more. Please let her know that I’m glad she’s alright.” 

“I will, thank you.” 


	8. punishment

Anger, jealousy, hurt, rage, pain. 

All these are ugly emotions, he knows this. 

He has no right to hope, no rights at all, that she would wait for him. He deserved her pain, every ounce of her wrath, and he knew he was about to face all of this the moment his potions wore off on her. 

He slammed the book back on the table hard, looking at the blanket draped across the edge of the table. Fuming, he folded it neatly, placed it in a satchel and left it in a forgotten corner of the room. 

Solas shut his eyes tightly, his eyelashes slightly stained with tears, he wasn’t even aware he was crying. 

He only wished she took out her anger on him. Whip, knife, poison, he would take any punishment from her. Hell, he would kneel for her and allow her to blind him and cut his arm off if that was what she wanted. There’s very little he wasn’t willing to sacrifice to make her happy at this point. 

It’s almost pathetic. He was a God. To him, she was his Goddess. 

Making his way up the winding stairwell with yet another plate of food, he opens the door of his chamber. With some haste, he places another enchantment of peace and sleep upon it before the door fully opened. 

She was sat up in bed, pillows stacked high, holding a cup of tea to her lips. Staring out of the window, Ellana looked rosier in the face, a sign she was growing stronger. 

“You’re back,” she said weakly with as much enthusiasm as she could manage.

“Please.. let me..” He purred, almost racing towards her as he took the cup from her hands after placing the platter of food on the table next to the bed, blowing on it for her before he placed the rim against her perfect lips. 

She finished the tea quickly and in its entirety, leaning back into the plush pillows and reaching for his hand which he gave all too willingly. 

“I have to tell you something, “ she began. 

“Anything. You can tell me anything you want.” Anticipation rose in his throat, burning like embers left at the end of the night in the fireplace. 

He placed his head on her lap, guiding her hands onto the exposed skin of his throat. In all his armour, his splendour and power, Solas wanted to show her that she was able to and allowed to hurt him if she so choose. 

“I know what you’re doing to the food. I’m not upset, I just want you to know that I know.”

Solas remained silent. 

“I know you don’t want me to be angry with you, so that’s why you’ve made me all sleepy and docile. I’m not angry, I haven’t been angry with you, I just felt sad that you left me. Most of my anger, I took out on Cullen within the first six months.” 

_**Cullen..** _

“And how, pray tell, did he assist you?”

Solas kept his tone mild and sweet, stroking her fingers absentmindedly and occasionally bringing them to his lips and suckling on them. 

“He taught he how to fight with one hand, so that I didn’t always have to depend on magic. It’s a good skill to have when you’re.. not abled.” 

Yet another way he drove her away. It felt as though a knife was twisting in his gut, he hated himself in that moment. 

“You’ll never have to defend yourself again, I’m here.” He whispered, sitting upright to cradle her in his embrace. Ellana wrapped her arms around his chest and nuzzled into his neck. 

“I’m hungry again.” She requested, almost like a child. 

Pressing his hungry lips against hers, he painfully untangles himself from her to reach for the plate of seared meat and potatoes by the bedside. Cutting the meat into little pieces, he tests the temperature on his lips before feeding her. 

“I hunted this myself today. I hope you like it.” 

It was cruel to say this, but somehow baby animals always tasted better. He prefers them raw, but since she joined him, he never ate the tenderest parts of the animal; bringing them back instead to be served to her. 

Ellana glanced at him with eyes still half buried in dreams, a smile creeping onto her lips yet again. 

“I love you.” She whispered, chewing softly and petting his head. 

He couldn’t fight it this time, a tear rolling down his angular cheekbone before dripping onto the blanket. Unmistakable, warm and ripe, sweet like fruit bursting in summer, happiness filled his entire being. 

**_ I don’t deserve you.  _ **

“I love you more.”

“How much more?” She giggled, the effects of the enchantment already taking root. 

_ “ I’d kill for you. I’d die for you. I’d reverse time for you.”  _

Ellana’s focus was drifting, she could only notice his lips moving but what he was saying mattered less and less as her mind lulled into calm and peace and haze. She chewed slowly and swallowed her food instinctively but otherwise she’s becoming sleepier. 

“Solas? I’m scared of the bad dreams again.” Ellana muttered, eyes slightly furrowed. 

Shedding his armour, he climbed into bed beside her, tucking her protectively under his chin once more. 

“I’ll be in your dreams this time. I’ll protect you. There’s nothing to be afraid of anymore. You’re safe and sound.” He replied, rocking her gently. The pull of his universe adjusted just slightly more, orbiting around her just a little more than he would have liked. Such irony, he is the most dangerous adversary she will ever face, and yet he is completely smitten with the sublime creature in his arms. 

Solas closes his eyes and enters her dream. 


	9. 5, 4, 3, 2, 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ellana struggles with the emotional fallout of being the Inquisitor, and Mythal doesn't exactly make it easy for Solas.

Moss green silk sheets. 

The detailed lily candles in each corner of the room, burning low. 

Marble tiles growing warm with the sunlight shooting into the room from between pink rustling curtains. 

Murals all around, gold and beautiful and regal, his hopes and dreams realised. 

Mirrors gleaming, bordered with beautiful gold flowers carved into the rims. 

Breathe 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8

Hold 1, 2, 3, 4, 5

Out 1, 2, 3, 4, 5

Ellana’s hands grasped the sheets. 

“ I feel the sheets, they are soft. I feel the bandages on my body, they sting slightly, I feel the bed sinking in under my weight, I feel the weight of the fur blankets on my legs. “ 

Shutting her eyes, she repeated the breathing whilst bringing her hand up to her chest. 

“I hear the trees rustling, I hear the water running, I hear my heart beating.” 

Another breath. 

“I smell roses and cedar, I smell books, I smell tea.” 

Another breath. 

As he walked from the adjoining bathroom, Solas watched her whisper to herself. 

This is what he did to her. 

Glancing at the glowing remnants of her arm in that case by the fireplace, he fought a sigh. He wished he could take it all back, how anxious she was, how she had to learn to deal with the trauma of losing a limb, losing everything. 

Placing a gentle kiss on her shoulder, he scooped her into his arms. 

“The water is ready. Do you want to walk or do you want me to help you?” Barely a whisper, Solas rests his head against her shoulder. 

Ellana leaned forwards. “ I can walk.” Feet touching the soft fur rug below, she tested her stability. 

Every step felt like needles shooting up her legs and back. 

Sore muscles, stiff joints. 

Ellana realises had never been to the other chamber, although she has dreamt of it several times in her sleep. 

Solas sat her in front of the mirror before the sunken bath filled with flowers. He had spared no expense with her recovery. Ellana finally gets to examine the damage done. Completely undressed, vulnerable, not like the Inquisitor who saved Thedas. 

It didn’t look severe despite only being rescued two weeks ago, mostly due to Solas’ efforts in healing her and her induced sleep to prevent further damage to her body. 

Purple and pink welts, bandages across her diaphragm, salves on her arms and legs, her throat peppered with love bites instead of the rope burn from her last fight. Sitting beside her, Solas gently opened her bandages and placed them in a bowl of clean water nearby, dried blood dispersing like ink. 

Ellana looked away from the mirror, a slight flutter of anxiety coursing through her spine and inducing goosebumps. She notices Solas shedding his tunic behind her before his arms reached under her back and her knees to carry her into the water. Ellana hid her head in the nook of his neck. 

“Are you feeling well enough to walk around today?” 

“I’m not sure how I feel about meeting people, or my family at the moment. I do want to know what’s been going on, and maybe I would like an explanation as to what you’ve been doing this entire time I was looking for you.” 

Solas remembered that scar on her tummy, trying hard not to look at it whilst she’s lucid, she would share it when she’s ready. 

“I’m sure you have a few secrets of your own - what have you been doing this whole time other than looking for me?” 

“Do you really expect me to believe that you don’t have people tracking me from town to town?”

“You were always a clever girl.” Solas remarked, setting her down on his lap as he sat on a ledge within the bath pool. Straddling him, Ellana pressed her forehead onto his. 

“Whatever it is that you’re trying to do to the Veil, I just want to know what the plan is, that’s all. I’m not going to stop you, I know better than to do something like that.If you don’t trust me, you might as well just kill me now. I won’t be your stepping stone.” 

Letting out a sigh, Solas cradled her closer to his chest so he wouldn’t have to make eye contact. 

“Honestly, the original plan was to use Dorian’s time magic to reverse time, since I know the events leading to the rise of the Evanuris. I was going to use the Orb. I thought I could undo their cruelty, and I could prevent the Imperium’s cruelty, and I could lead our people to a peaceful, respectable, coexisting and tolerant existence. Now? You change everything. I’m not too sure what I want anymore.” 

_ Such candour, dread wolf.  _

_**She deserves to know.** _

Ellana let out a laboured breath, she notices her heart begin to race and fear gripping her thoughts. Flashes of images of the rift, demons of fire and terror. It wasn’t before long that she started trembling, inhaling irregular breaths. Hand turning to a claw, she gripped Solas’ waist with fingernails digging into his side. 

“The water is blue, the petals are red, the tiles are green and nacreous, the mirror - “

Visions of eluvians shattering, arrows flying, warriors falling to the ground covered in wounds, Solas’ shadow disappearing, his green eyes flaming into nothing. 

Ellana’s voice starts quivering, voice cracking as tears stream profusely. She fought through the pain. 

“The towels are white, the bowls are porcelain.” She finished her five items. Solas fought back his tears, but his self loathing was evident in his eyes. Stoic and unwavering, he simply wanted to endure her pain for her. 

“What do you hear?” He prompted, pressing kisses on her temple. 

“I hear your heartbeat. I hear the water against the tiles. I hear voices from downstairs. I hear birds outside the window.” 

“Very good, what do you feel?” 

“I feel the warm water, I feel your c- skin, I feel the petals sticking to my back.” 

“What can you smell?” 

“You. Just you.” 

Her heartbeat steadied along with her breathing. Eyes slowly closing, she rested back on his shoulder. 

_ No, I know what you’re thinking.. just no.  _

**_ She’s not ready, it’s safer this way.  _ **

_ The last time you convinced yourself of something, you ripped her arm off.  _

_**Point taken..** _

_ You cannot force someone to go into Uthenera just because you don’t want to deal with your guilt.  _

**_ I SAID POINT TAKEN.  _ **

He let out a growl, loud enough to cause Ellana to flinch and move away from him. 

“No, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, I won’t hurt you.” He raised his hands, palms facing Ellana. 

“What was that?” 

“It’s nothing.” 

Ellana didn’t think much on this, but she did assume everyone from the Inquisition walked away with some level of trauma or mental stress. Heck, Varric had emotional baggage all the way from Kirkwall. She assumed Solas must have an entire wardrobe of emotional baggage seeing as he’s -how old was he again?

“ Several millenia..”

“What?”

“Hmm?” 

Solas went red in the face. She wasn’t supposed to know they were connected like that yet. 

“You said something.”

“I said nothing-”

“You. Can read. Minds. Great. This is great! This is what I needed. Just another reason to have trust issues. What happened to all that.. what they think is not what they do debate with the Iron Bull? I thought you were all for privacy of thought.” She chirped, back facing him as she made her way to the other side of the pool. Ellana stomped childishly several times, trying not to succumb to anger. 

“I told you not to drink from the Well of Sorrows didn’t I? I strongly advised against it.”

“Yeah but that joins me to Mythal! And I’ve met her!”

_ I want to see how you dig yourself out of this mess, Dread Wolf. How much more foot in mouth can you get?  _

Solas ignored Mythal, wading over to her and wrapping her in his arms once more. 

“I do believe in privacy of thought, it’s just you that I can hear-“

“- What did you do to Mythal?” Ellana whimpered, almost in fear if she weren’t all numb from her medication. If he wanted to hurt her, he would have done so by now. This tells her that she’s got some leeway with how stroppy she can get with him. 

_ Yes! Tell her what you did to Mythal!  _

**_ You consented! This was YOUR plan!  _ **

_ Oh sure, blame me. She’s not my beloved.  _

“I.. she gave me her.. power.” 

“She gave you her power… How?” 

“Astral transference.” 

“Meaning?”

“Please, Vhenan, don’t make me say this.. please.” 

Ellana turned around, eyes meeting his pained gaze. 

“She can turn into a dragon! If you tell me now you could single handedly take down a dragon and you let me spend 12 health potions every time reviving Blackwall and Cassandra when we had to kill a dragon, I’m going to be very very angry with you.” Ellana chimed, jaw clenched. 

“She transferred her energies to me when she sustained a serious injury.” Solas purred, hoping she wouldn’t prod into it. 

“Did you cause said serious injury?”

_ He did. _

“No, I found her that way.” 

_ Oh no, you did not.  _

**_ Need I REMIND YOU, THAT THIS IS YOUR PLAN?  _ **

Ellana loosened her shoulders as she removed herself from the bath, reaching for the towel at the edge of the bath hanging on a chair before drying herself and leaving the bathroom. 

“How many things are you not telling me?”

_ A lot.. _

**_ You’re a terrible wing-woman.  _ **

“Vhenan, please, you just woke up for barely a day, I’ll tell you anything you want to know as time goes on.”

Solas pleaded pitifully, following her to the bed and leaving water all over the marble floor. As soon as the water droplets hit the floor, they evaporated. By the time he reached the bed, all the water had dried off his skin. 

“Truthfully?” 

“As truthful as I can manage.” He promised. 

This statement was true. 


	10. Adoration

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Inquisitor finally gets an idea of how large Solas' following really is.

Ellana nodded slowly, perhaps she will be going to see her family today after all. 

The floor length dress hanging by the dresser was different than all the others she had when she was with the Inquisition. 

Deep emerald velvet, high collar trimmed with soft rabbit fur, embroidery of wolves on the back and hems. Solas had it specially made, fit for his Queen. He hasn’t even asked her yet what they were.Ellana noticed the sleeve on the left arm was cropped. 

She wrapped the dress over her shoulders as best she could with one arm, turning to Solas for help on the ribbon. He stood before her, gleaming in gold scaled armour, green tunic beneath, eyes sharp and dangerous. 

“Absolutely sublime, my beloved.” He purred, doing her ribbons and tightening the waist on her. 

She tried to fight the rush of emotions from their previous information exchange as she nodded politely. He can hear her thoughts, to what extent she does not know, and he maybe killed Mythal, and also he’s trying to do time magic things which ended really bad for Magister Alexius the last time they tried that. Surely it can’t get more twisted than that. Oh wait, he’s several millennia years old. 

“Solas, what are we?” Ellana asked, reaching for his hand. He took it and brought it up to his lips, lining each knuckle with a kiss. 

“What would you like us to be?” 

Lovers? Partners? Enemies? She wasn’t sure yet. 

“After everything..”

“You don’t have to answer now. I’ll wait for you, I’ll always wait for you.” 

“Alright.”

“Everyone here owes their life to you, would you like to meet our people today? Your clan would be glad to see you, and Keeper Deshanna must be concerned. She’s asked for you several times already, I’m half convinced she thinks I’m holding you captive. ” 

Solas offers his right hand for her to hold, looping his arm around her waist for support. 

Down the winding stairs they go, through a corridor, the sounds growing more intense. 

Her heart began to race. She felt a wave of nausea before stopping. 

“We don’t have to do anything, you can rest today if you want to.”

“I can do this. I can do this, I’ll be okay. I’m safe. I’m loved. I’m safe.” 

“Yes you are. I’m right here. No one will hurt you. I’m right here to protect you now.” 

Nodding, Solas opens the doors to the grand hall. 

The atrium was high and arching, a waterfall ran down the middle with walkways on either sides, water lilies waved with the streams. Glass windows filtering a thousand colours cast on the marble tiles, moss and flowers around infrastructures, it was a dream. Everyone had their place, civilians gathering supplies, soldiers on patrol, traders and shops dotted the avenue. This was familiar, except everyone there was an elf. 

Eyes. Every colour, every spectrum, old, young, lost. No one had a vallaslin. 

The splash of the indoor waterfall echoed in the walls, the air thick with the scent of flowers and herbs. 

Solas held onto Ellana tightly, pressed against his form. Her hands tensed, taking a step forward. 

Whispers.

Be brave, be brave. 

“Blessings upon the Inquisitor,” the nearest elves reached forth to touch her shoulder as Solas led her through the hall.

It all happened quickly from there. 

Flowers, tears, hands on her head and her hand. It was almost overwhelming if they weren’t so gentle. Children hiding behind their parents, older elves who were probably slaves all their lives, free roaming Dalish, apostates with their own practice. Elves with eyes of all colours. 

Solas led her onto a floating platform on the edge of the water, placing her gently and allowing her to sit before he got on behind her. With a wave of his hand, the water carried the platform along the canal in the hall. She watched the people abandon what they were doing and follow along. She had never seen so many elves in one place, it must be a new change for them too, the last time she had been with so many of her people was the night before she went to spy on the Conclave. 

Everyone was delicate, quiet and curious. Solas was briefly thankful that he had briefed everyone to be gentle and sensitive as the Inquisitor had been through quite a lot in the past year. Add that to their awe and respect from their saviour and freer, Fen’Harel. 

Eventually Solas leads her onto the end of the canal, where she stepped onto a pedestal with a single throne. Reaching to the ceiling, flowers of gold and rubies entwined its frame. Solas led her to it before he sat her upon the throne. 

Eyes. Blinking, waiting, devout. 

Ellana breathed hard, this was bringing back memories. The last time they did this, she watched Cullen rally his troops, his smile warm like hot cocoa. Her heart was racing again, she held tighter onto Solas’ hand. 

Stood beside her, Solas waited for the few thousand elves to gather in the surrounding atriums. 

“Friends, I invite you to warmly welcome our Inquisitor, who closed the rifts and destroyed Corypheus. Her courage, determination and spirit is the reason why we are all here right now, safe and unharmed. Her sacrifice and contributions are the bedrock of our freedom.”

Cheers, clapping, whistling, flowers in the air. All this was familiar to her, yet so so far away. Almost from another lifetime. 

This Solas was different from the apostate she knew. Watching his command, she felt unfamiliar and on edge. His voice was firm, bright, and confident. In the crowd, Ellana notices her keeper inching through the crowd, huge smile on her face and hands raised to get her attention. Ellana smiled back gently before looking up at Solas once more. She adjusted her dress to cover more of her legs, Keeper Deshanna always reprimanded her for not being “lady-like”. 

“She is a shining example of how we define who we are through our actions, our deeds and the lives we touch.” Clear pride and joy could be seen on his face as he announced, he made his way back to her and knelt before her to get to her eye level.

“Do you wish to say something to our people?” He asked softly. “It’s okay if you don’t want to do it now. They’re here for you.” He offered, eyes sincere. 

Ellana stood unsteadily and made her way to the edge of the podium gingerly before sitting and letting her legs dangle from the edge, almost touching the water and surrounding lilies. Her dress trailed behind her, elegant and regal. 

She begins to notice friends from Clan Lavellan fighting their way to the front of the crowd, eager to hear her once more, whispering amongst themselves and waving. 

It was as though her voice was stuck in her throat, unable or maybe unwilling to escape. She was not the Inquisitor from years ago, not anymore. 

“There are no words for the suffering we endured. I have no words for how I feel or what I experienced. I just want to say that I am so thankful and so grateful that we have found one another, and that we’re a community united now. I can ask for nothing more than to be with my family and friends. I also want to say I’m sorry, so sorry for how differently they treated me and you, I’m so sorry.” 

Ellana’s voice cracked, she looked away, trying to hide the tear that was rolling down from her cheek. She heard several aww and sighs from the crowd. Solas wrapped his arms around her and pressed her against his neck, the perfect image of a Saviour and his mercy. Ellana felt slightly disturbed at that thought. 

She could feel a thousand eyes on her, her keeper Deshanna’s gaze of concern and relief above all else from several rows behind. 

“Take your time. You’re doing good. You’re safe.” Solas purred, sitting beside her. 

A cheer erupted in the crowd before her thoughts were once again drowned in their applause. She didn’t want their admiration, she didn’t feel like it was deserved. The people she’s had to kill..

Solas tucked his arms under her knees, carrying her through the crowd as she hid her face in his neck, arms clutching tightly to his form. As they descended from the platform, the crowd disseminated slowly, breaking back into their routine and muttering about what just happened. She had no idea there were so many of them, and Solas had managed to bring them all to one place. 

“Where do you want to go?” He asked softly. She noticed four sentinels following behind them with gleaming helmets and staffs. 

“I want to go back to the room. I’m feeling quite drained, my socialising abilities may be a little lacking today.” 

His steps were steady, effortless with his new abilities from Mythal. He made his way back up the winding staircase. 

Sentinels standing by opened the double doors and closed them gently behind. With care, Solas set her back down on the bed. 

“Humble, approachable, honest. That’s the Inquisitor they know and love.” He chirped. “I think they love you already. How can they not?” He wanted to throw her on the bed and kiss her all over, she was so brave for even wanting to speak to a crowd with such a fragile state of mind. He wanted to do many things to her.. 

“I don’t deserv-“ 

Solas turned to her and silenced her with a kiss.

“You deserve love. Say it.”

“I deserve love..” Ellana parroted back.

“You deserve love.”

“I deserve love.” 

“You are loved.” 

“I am loved.” A small smile found its way to the edges of her lips.

_ “You are loved.” _

_ “I am loved.”  _

“Remember that.” Solas planted another firm kiss on her forehead. “I’ll go get you some lunch, I’ll be back in a moment.” 

Ellana felt a shiver course through her body as she watched Solas in full armour go and get her lunch. A strange joy crept into her mind. The Dread Wolf. In armour. Getting her lunch. Cutting her food up and feeding her. 

Sitting upright and adjusting her dress, she notices a figure at the edge of the bed. 

A coy smile on his lips.

“Cole?” 


	11. compassion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cole tries to heal the Inquisitor's anxieties

“ Inquisitor Lavellan - Friend!” His smile was bright, eyes hidden and unfocused under the tip of his new hat. Green, how very appropriate. 

Ellana reached out to him, warmth filling her mind. 

“May I?” Cole brought his hand close to her forehead but not touching her. 

Ellana nodded, shutting her eyes. “Please, take it away.” She’s seen him work, and she was surprisingly in need of her emotional support spirit at the moment. 

Gently, Cole built a wall in her mind. A box of granite and onyx to shut away all the unpleasant feelings, but not to forget, simply to contain for now. She would have to deal with this box from time to time, but for now she does not need to worry. 

“To forgive is to accept that the past couldn’t have happened any other way. You did what you could, and we love you for what you did.” 

A tear trickled down her cheek, only to be wiped away by Cole’s glove clad finger. Opening her eyes, she watched his own eyes glowing blue and curious. 

“Thank you.”

“You are my friend, I want to help you. Now you are free again, no more fear, no more pain, no more rage. You are free like me.” Cole sat beside her, head leaning against her shoulder. She always saw him like a little brother. This was familiar, calm, and welcomed. 

“If you want to think of us as family, I’d be happy to be your family too.” Cole offered, sensing her intentions. 

“We already are, we take care of one another.” She said softly, her mind drifting. Carefully but also warily, Cole reached a hand towards her lower abdomen and rested it gently over her bellybutton. 

A wave of sadness washed over Ellana. 

“You know.” Ellana whimpered putting her hand over his cold one. She notices the pilling of his wooden gloves and picked at them unconsciously. 

“You did what’s best for them with the information you had at the time.”

“Don’t tell him, if he doesn’t know, it’s for the best..”

“It’s not my secret to tell, but if you want to tell someone a secret, I’ll keep it safe for you.” Cole moved his hand to hold Ellana’s. “I’m your friend and family.” 

“Can I tell you a secret?”

“Of course, I’m here for you, I am your friend and your family.” Cole repeated reassuringly and reciprocated by gripping her hand tighter. 

She fought back a sob, looking away and breathing deeply. 

“After Solas was gone, I was… destroyed. I was briefly involved with Cullen, but it never went anywhere because he knew who I truly loved, and I broke it off because I felt dishonest towards him. He was good to me in ways I can never return.” 

Cole nodded, placing his arms around her and rocking her slightly. This brief moment of honesty and unguarded faith gave Ellana respite in the lies and trauma of recent weeks. 

“Cullen always loved you, you remind him of honour.” Cole remarked, “He’s loved you silently since you saved his soldiers after the Conclave exploded. He understands, and he does not fault you for what you did. His feelings for you will always remain the same, so you have nothing to feel bad for. You did the right thing, my friend.” 

Ellana truly began to sob at that statement, Cullen was wholesome and good and straightforward and had no business being involved with someone as damaged as she. 

“Cole, you promise you won’t tell Solas.”

“Pinky promise.” He whispered back, stroking her hair. “I am your friend. Do you want me to help you with this guilt?” 

“No, I deserve this pain. I need to remember so I don’t make the same mistakes again.”

“Pain is bad.” Cole remarked once more, this time with some doubt in his voice.

“Pain can help you avoid mistakes. Sometimes it’s good.” Ellana responded, looking into his eyes. She didn’t remember how blue they were, filled with peace and eternal love and hope. 

“You miss them.”

“I.. don’t want to talk about that.” 

“I see, I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be, you don’t owe me an apology.”

“I can help you forget your ch-“

The double doors creak open, Solas pushes the doors with his back as his hands are preoccupied with her meal. Noticing that he had perhaps interrupted a conversation, his eyes searched the room before clearing his throat.

“ - I’ll come back later if you two are catching up..“

“No it’s alright please, I’m hungry anyways.” Ellana smiled through her tears as Cole untangled her from his hug. 

Standing to leave, Cole’s eyes met Solas’ on the way to the door. Solas returned his glance with one of his own, filled with concern, worry and some levels of angst. 

“It was nice seeing you again, I hope you feel better.” Cole smiled before disappearing into thin air. 


	12. Secrets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In a bid to win her trust and gain her favour once more, Solas performs an act of devotion he believes will convince Ellana that she can trust him. Solas becomes more subservient to her will in the progress. Meanwhile, Ellana tries hard to keep her secret hidden, but she feels more and more inclined to share it with Solas.

Clearing her mind and sincerely wishing Solas does not try and pry into her thoughts, she patted the space beside her on the bed. Solas carried the golden tray of food towards her, placing it at the indicated spot. 

“Lemon cakes fresh out the oven today, and the deer I hunted yesterday. I had them braise and then oven bake it, just the way you used to make it.” Solas smiled, graceful hands cutting her food with silver cutlery. 

“Solas..” Ellana’s hand reached for his cheek, cupping it and making him look at her. 

He remained silent, gazing back at her with tender concern. 

“You promised to tell me everything right?”

Solas nodded, letting out a laboured breath and shifting to sit closer to her where Cole was just seated prior. He insinuated her into his arms, guiding her head onto his armour clad chest. Ellana studied the reliefs in his armour. Wolves, eyes, flowers and gems. 

“What if I don’t tell you everything?” She enquired softly, almost afraid. 

“You don’t have to. Your past is your past, your present and future are my privilege. I love you regardless of what you did, or have done, or are doing…” Imagined visions flashed before his mind’s eye of Cullen and her children, happy, running about, utterly oblivious to the dangers they had narrowly missed up till the point of the breaches closing. 

“And you also didn’t mention that you were immortal for the entire time I’ve known you until you cut my arm off.”

“And that..” 

“And you’re probably hiding many things from me right now.”

“Yep, also that..” 

“How do we move forwards from this? We need to trust each other to have a relationship.”

“Do you want a relationship with me?”

“Yes, I do.” 

A small jolt of joy and happiness flooded his mind and his thoughts. It spilled into his chest, down his back, activating the apex of his legs. He was truly glad to be clad in armour at the moment. 

“Have you decided what you want us to be?” 

In one swift motion, Ellana moved to straddle Solas, almost pushing him back with her force. She only held back because she did not wish to spill the food on the bed next to them. 

“Equals.”

Solas allowed a grin to grace his lips, starkly aware of which part of his body was covered by armour, feeling delicious pressure on his skin. 

“Do you know what I want us to be?” He purred, untangling himself from her straddle and kneeling on the floor between her legs. 

This was what the procedure was for, the original intentions at least. 

He has never felt it more strongly than now. The fire in his heart burned fierce and sempiternal, pulsing with his thoughts, and all his thoughts were of her. The constant pain, love, care, concern, all his emotions from the moment of their meeting, all because of her. In that moment, he was in her thrall. 

Solas was not even sure if this was manipulation anymore, or if it was just his attempts at showing her how much he trusts her, and how much she should return that trust. He doubted his abilities to feel genuine love up until this moment after all he’s done to her and she still wants him. 

Ellana watched inquisitively, he brought her hand up to his neck before his own started glowing. His eyes were glowing green, streaming with tears which melted his armour away as they touched it. Slowly, he was bare before her, vulnerable and engorged. This was a sight she never got to witness before, they had only ever kissed, in his memory at least. 

“Solas what are you - “

Ellana’s name began to glow upon the skin on his chest right above his heart, old Elvhen forgotten by all but him. Her hand felt warm containing his power. She noticed how similar it was to having the mark, now with the knowledge that it was in fact his power that resided in her arm the entire time. 

The letters in her name began to untangle and crawl - glowing green and pulsing with each beat of their hearts. The lines swirled and danced, Solas focused his mind on how much he loved her, and how much he felt his loyalty shifting. With a long exhale, the lines dancing on his skin formed into a circular sigil that resembled a fingerprint. The glowing stopped, leaving him with an imprint over his heart the size of her palm.

“The Evanuris twisted this beautiful.. gesture into a mark of subservience..” He shut his eyes, feeling the exhaustion of casting the incantation. 

Ellana was panting hard, overwhelmed at the sight of him in all his glory and power kneeling before her, forming a mark on his chest. 

“Is this a Vallaslin? It was different when they burned it into my face.”

A growl escaped his throat. 

“This was what it was before they defiled it. You can only receive a vallaslin of your own volition, and out of the power of your own faith and love. The Evanuris forced the vallaslin on their people, not with respect but with a knife. The Dalish carried this tradition painfully, unknowingly, and then with pride without contextual understanding.I have your mark upon my heart, fuelled by my love for you. Now, I am yours. This is usually the point where one takes on a new name to express their love.”

Blinking, unable to form a coherent thought and dealing with the crashing realisation that this was maybe the reason why Solas hated the Dalish so much, Ellana could only focus on the mark on his chest. She lifted her finger to trace it, the familiar raised texture she hadn’t felt in a long time. 

“How do I get one?” 

“You have to love me so much that it burns into your own skin.” 

“Oh - But I do love you.. I don’t know how to do that burning thing..”

“It will come to you, I promise.” Solas leaned up to kiss her from where he knelt. Ellana’s eyes darted to his engorged member briefly before looking away, cheeks flushing deep red. 

“How did you know how to do that?”

“I.. loved someone once - “

A twinge of jealousy flashed in her heart, gripping it and filling her veins with ice. 

“- I removed my vallaslin because she.. became something twisted and toxic. Now I have one for you, because I’m yours. This will be my last vallaslin.”

Ellana nodded slowly, trying to process all this new information. Taking advantage of her contemplative state, Solas scooped her back into the sheets, bringing the plate of food close and filling a spoon to the brim with meat. He lifted the metal spoon to her lips, heating the spoon with his magic, and she absentmindedly opened her mouth and accepted his offerings. 

“Who was she?”

“She became greedy with power, wielding that power with cruelty and kindling her hatred for anything that was remotely opposed to her own beliefs. I had to kill her when she threatened the safety of the people.. But she’s gone now. She has been for.. six millennia.” 

Ellana nodded again, trying to push jealousy out of her thoughts. If Solas knew about her and Cullen, surely Solas would hunt him down and dismember him. She tried hard to think of something else. 

“I don’t think I’m hungry anymore..”

“I’ll put this aside and you can have some more when you want to, alright?” Solas moved the platter to the nearby table before rejoining her in the bed. 

Curling up against his chest, Ellana traced his skin and his recent markings carefully. Her hand made its way down his sculpted abdomen, going lower until it reached the apex of his legs. Her fingers closed around his tumescence, eliciting a sigh. He encouraged her to carry on by squeezing her closer and pressing a kiss over her brow. 

This was familiar to her - his body against hers. 

It seemed like so long ago. 

_She had barely turned fifteen when it happened. She didn’t even recognised him when they first “met” after the Conclave exploded because she didn’t recognise him without his unruly braided hair._

It wasn’t until after putting it together that she truly understood the gravity of the situation. Their bond, it goes way before she joined the inquisition. 

Perhaps its best she leaves her secrets where she buried them. 


	13. the Stranger

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Young Ellana encounters a stranger who seems to be linked to her by Fate.

A million stars above her head reminding her of how small she was, sat with her back on a statue of Fen’Harel. Eyes sore and pink from crying, hands chapped from practicing all day. Young Ellanawas the slowest in her class, unable to even cast a full blast of flame. Her battered and beginner level staff lay by her feet. 

“I’ll just sit here with Fen’Harel then. At least he knows what it feels like to be ostracised..”

Shivering from the evening wind, she watched the light from the torches of her Clan from afar. 

“Are you even a mage? This is sub par, even for you. And you’re going to be the First? I can do better in my sleep! ” One of her classmates - a taller auburn haired elf with Elgar’nan’s vallaslin taunted, freezing the tips of her golden braids. Ellana has yet to take her vallaslin, for she was still a fledgling mage, and a temperamental one at that. 

A scream left her throat, Ellana charged towards the snickering elf, shoving her to the ground before delivering a nasty punch at her cheekbone. 

Keeper Deshanna ran into the training square, worried but not surprised, tearing Ellana away from her bloodied classmate. The other students watched in silence as Ellana received her very public reprimand from her Keeper. 

“Ellana! You cannot be a First if you cannot control your temper, do you know how disappointed your parents would be if they knew you resorted to violence in the face of a taunt?”

“They’re not here, are they!” Ellana retorted, eyes watery before storming off into the forest. 

“Young lady, come back!”

“Make me!”

Keeper Deshanna let out an exasperated sigh before chiding the other students and resuming their training. Clan Lavellan was running short on defensive warriors and mages, they couldn’t afford to let one person affect the rest. 

Hungry, cold and brimming with anger, Ellana beat the ground beneath her with a clenched fist before letting out another scream of frustration. She was going to make her Keeper worried by not returning to the village that evening. “That will show them,” she thought.

Eyes scanning her surroundings, she did not wish to go too far from her village, but she also knew that it was not safe to be alone in the forest this late at night. She put her scouting training to use. Shelter, warmth, water, food. 

She remembers several days earlier she located a small but well hidden cave behind a waterfall. She couldn’t make a burst of flame, but a small fire would be manageable if she had some firewood. 

Collecting branches as she made her way to the lakeside, Ellana shed her dress and waded towards where she remembered the cave was with firewood, her clothing and tinder. Setting the branches down in a conducive manner, she managed to light a small flame and fan it into a small fire that should keep her warm for the night. With yet another outburst of frustration, she put her staff in the fire. Such a failure of a mage she was, she might as well forget continuing her studies. 

Alone in that shallow cave, moss beneath her skin, Ellana laid on her side listening to the waterfall and the birds. It was not long before sleep took her. 

She was unsure of how long she slept, but when she awoke Ellana was not alone. 

A soft woven blanket over her shoulders, she saw the shadow of another leaning against the cave wall. In the far corner, eyes shut and staff far away from him, lay another elf with no vallaslin. Emerald green tunic with long sleeves, wolf pelt draped over his shoulder. To his right, a small travel bag with some embroidery lay half open on the floor. 

Ellana tensed, searching for her clothing only to find it was folded neatly beside her. Dressing silently with haste, she moved the elf’s staff further so he could not use it to hurt her. The fire was bigger with more branches. The scent of cedar and rose was wafting gently and lulling her into an unfamiliar calm. His hair reached the middle of his chest, dreaded and tied back modestly. Ellana studied his features as best she can. Moving closer to half kneel beside him, Ellana studied his face. No vallaslin must mean he was a city elf, he must have escaped, and been so tired. She felt a twinge of pity for him. Further examination revealed that his hands and feet were smooth, not like those of slaves, which made Ellana more suspicious. She couldn’t make out the rest of his features in the darkness. She felt a small redness come to her chest, she had not been in such close quarters with the opposite gender ever, she would only know who she was betrothed to at the age of seventeen, and she had barely passed her fifteenth name-day. 

The stranger opened his eyes slightly, blinking several times before shutting them again. 

“Are you running away? Is someone after you?” Ellana whispered. 

“There’s no one left to come after me.” He replied in barely a whisper, although Ellana inferred that was all the strength he had left. 

“Who are you?”

“I am nobody. I’m unimportant.” He replied once more in the same laboured tone. 

Ellana brought her hand up to his head, checking for a fever. He didn’t seem to be burning up. 

“Do you want some water?”

“Thank you for your kindness, Da’len. I’ll be alright.” 

Ellana retreated to her corner once more, retrieving the blanket and returning it to the stranger. 

“Thank you for the blanket.”

He nodded, a gentle smile curved the edges of his lips. 

“What’s your name?”

“What’s yours?” Ellana quipped.

“Fair enough.” He chuckled, laying the blanket down on the floor of the mossy cave before sitting on it. 

A small thrill and perhaps danger coursed through her thoughts, the fragrances lighting a desire in her she had not known before. She had engaged in self pleasure prior, but this was a different type of desire. She was momentarily occupied with the fascination of his hands, shamefully dancing across her skin. 

For a brief moment, Ellana regretted returning the blanket, she was getting cold again. Her skin prickled with a gust of wind blowing into the cave. 

The stranger let out a sigh, he does not know it yet but this is the start of a string of many regrettable decisions and actions. 

Patting the space beside him, he waved to Ellana to join him on the blanket. “I know you’re cold.” He purred at her general direction. Ellana was unsure of what it was that made her respond. Courage? Curiosity? Rebelliousness? Crawling towards him, she lay beside him, back facing his body. She noticed the scent of cedar and rose lingering on his skin. 

“May I?” He offered, lifting the wolf pelt to share with her. 

“Thank you.” Ellana’s heart was racing, this was both very wrong and what the teenager inside her wanted to do. This was potentially dangerous, or potentially wonderful. She knew nothing about him, but she felt a sense of safety in her gut. She decides to trust that gut. 

The pelt landed over her shoulders, instantly calming her further. The stranger lifted his other hand and motioned towards the flame to simmer into embers so the light was dimmer. 

Ellana could hardly sleep now, feeling his arm against her back, his breath slow and calm, his hipbone against the small of her back. 

Ellana reached a hand between the curves of her thighs, slowly and quietly so as to not wake him. The back of her neck grew warm, as did the pit of her stomach. She notices wetness pooling within her core. 

Pressure.

Circles. 

Sighs and small suppressed moans. 

The stranger stirred beside her, draping an arm over her body in a spoon, his lips dangerously close to the nape of her neck. He moved to position his other arm under her neck so she could rest in his embrace. 

The start of her list of bad and possibly regrettable decisions begins here, for Ellana wriggled into what she thought was the hilt of a shielded dagger around his waist.Withdrawing her hand from between her legs gingerly, Ellana shut her eyes although her heart was fluttering rather wildly. 

“Please, don’t stop on my behalf.” He whispered, pressing an experimental kiss on her neck. This was wrong, and he should know better, but half an eternity in Uthenera meant that his self control and bodily desires are rather difficult to control. 

Met with an unexpected soft moan, he pressed yet another kiss over her neck, more boldly this time. His hands ran down her arm, guiding it back between her legs. Ellana was unsure if this was real; tall dark stranger who takes care of her also desires her back. Young Ellana couldn’t care more about who he was, and didn’t think as far to ask further questions. 

“I won’t tell if you won’t tell.” She replied. 

A chuckle from deep within his chest, such audacity from such a young elf. 

“Go on,” he encouraged, administering the lightest of kisses across her neck as she plunged her fingers in and out of her wetness. 

“Please, take your pleasure,” He begged, voice quiet and strained, trying not to scare or push her more. He was barely controlling himself as it is. 

“If you gave me your name, I would know what to scream,” Ellana teased, mind foggy with arousal. 

“What do you normally say when you take pleasure?” He enquired, his hands running across her shoulders to hold her closer to his clothed form. 

“ _Ah.. Ngh… Fenedhis..”_ She managed quietly. 

This seemed to really stir up something in him. 

“What did you say?” Genuine surprise bubbled in his mind, confused as to why he would hear his own name as a curse. 

**_“Fen…nedhis..”_** She whimpered, arching her back in preparation for the final crest of her pleasure. 

A dark and guttural growl erupted from his throat. Pushing her onto the blanket, he covers her lips with his own, entering her in one swift motion. Eliciting a moan of both pain and pleasure, the stranger felt the waves of her pleasure against his own. Edged to the point of no return, he encouraged the prolonging of her pleasure with several thrusts before he was also pushed over the edge. 

Pressing another kiss over Ellana’s brow, he looked into her eyes where he was propped up over her. He had examined her whilst she was asleep, hoping she was simply spending the night away from her Clan because she was hunting. Looking up at him, Ellana smiled unsurely for his features are still half hidden from her in the darkness. 

“That was.. unexpected..” She remarked, her voice shaking from her recent experience. She could feel his essence warm and viscous dripping from her body, but she had just passed her moon blood a day ago, Ellana inferred she was in the safe zone. 

The stranger looked genuinely troubled. 

“This was your first time?” 

“Yes - I mean no-“

“Come, Da’len. Sleep.” He scooped her back into his arms, determined to ensure she had a wholesome first time despite the fact that he barely knew her name or that they’re in a cave covered in moss.  Ellana fell fast asleep against his chest, listening to his heartbeat rhythmic and slow. Her mind hazy and grasping to cling onto the events which just transpired. 

She woke alone, wolf pelt draped over her body, his staff by her side. It looked archaic, the carvings unlike any she’s seen before. Weighted, valuable, vibrating with strong and old magic. She returns to her village with the items he left behind, his scent lingering on them long after he was gone. 

This was the start of what she would like to call her **Troubles.**

A month after her encounter with the stranger, she missed her moon cycle.

Suddenly pregnant, Ellana faced judgement from her Clan. Whispers of her name linked with bearing an unwanted “wolf” child, Ellana was often verbally abused and shunned by her peers. She was no longer going to be her Keeper's First. She  birthed a set of twins with difficulty, screaming and crying with the pain she could not understand. Keeper Deshanna would later lie and tell her that her children were stillborn. 

Devastated at the loss of her children, Ellana was then forced to repent her “immorality” by traveling all the way to the Temple of Sacred Ashes to spy on the Conclave. Ellana Lavellan’s pregnancy and soft excommunication would pave the way to her becoming the Inquisitor. Her secret was unsurprisingly discovered by Leliana, who then revealed that her children were in fact alive and healthy, and assisted in tracking down their whereabouts to a Clan she once knew to have traded with her own. Her rage and sense of betrayal mingled with sadness or maybe a certain pity for herself. It would only take the closing of one rift to reach an understanding for why her Keeper took her children away. She couldn't be Inquisitor and keep them safe, she was too young, too inexperienced, and they deserved better. 

The least skilled mage from Clan Lavellan would go on to close rifts, fight demons, and save Thedas.

The stranger she encountered, she would come to learn his name, his history, and his heart. 

Her story after that, she does not care to repeat or remember. 


	14. You beautiful thing

A golden dawn spills into the room. 

Ellana hasn’t been asleep for at least an hour, watching the orb of yellow rising steadily into view. Somehow the start of a new day always reminded her that things had to end. This small recognition brought her some anxiety. The wounds will heal, the cuts will mend, her skin will wrinkle with age, her hair will turn from gold to silver. Everything ends. She’s unsure of how she felt about that since she became the inquisitor. 

His hands all over her, his lips against her neck as he moaned in worship to her name, her fingers leaving moon shaped markings all over his back. It reminded her of her first time, with him. She wonders if he even remembers that. Her dress was nothing but tattered bits of fabric by the time he was done. 

Ellana let out a quiet sigh, sat at the edge of her.. their bed. Knees tucked under her chin, she notices a disobedient tear on the edge of her eyelid before it descends, making a perfect line of moisture down her knee and then her shin. Melancholic thoughts clouded her mind. Her joy, she knew deep inside, was temporary. However happy she felt, she could just as easily feel as sad, anxious, or angry. She briefly wondered to herself if given the choice, if she would choose to become Tranquil, if anything just to escape her spiralling thoughts and fears. 

Where the sun hit the marble floor, a thousand beams of light would reflect and hit various parts of the room. She notices Solas stirring on the bed beside her before he lifted a wrist to his eyes, chasing sleep away. His hands reached for the edges of the blanket, lifting it over her shoulders and encasing her within its warmth. Solas then secured her within his embrace. 

“My Queen?” He purred, peppering light kisses across her neck and cheek. Observing the glistening trail on her shin, he followed it to her watering eyes. Ellana let out an involuntary sniffle before using the edges of the blanket to rub her eyes. 

“ You should go back to sleep,” she offered, trying to push him back to his side of the bed. “I’m sorry for waking you.”

Scooping her onto his chest in one swift motion, he positioned the blankets over them both. Motioning his hands at the silk curtains and drawing them close with magic. Solas pressed a firm kiss over her forehead, and guided her hand to where he bore her mark. She felt his heard beat eagerly, as though reaching to be in her hand. 

“Why are you crying?” Solas enquired with concern, eyebrows furrowed, mind racing for what he could have done to hurt her last night. 

“No reason, you wouldn’t understand.” 

“Try me.”

“I don’t even know how to begin explaining it to you!” Ellana laughed, choking on her tears slightly. 

“ Close your eyes. Breathe with me.”

Ellana did as he instructed, syncing her breath to his.

“Good. I want you to try and reach out to me with your mind. Do you see me in your mind?”

“It’s all dark- wait. I see you. “  


“Walk towards me in your mind.”

Ellana tried hard, the figure in the distance of her mind but a light in a dark corridor. As she got closer, she notices a giant six eyed glowing creature. She reaches out for it, feeling it take the form of a wolf. It was taller than a building, ethereal and pulsing with light. 

“What am I looking at?”

“I’m showing you how to connect with me using the Fade, but consciously instead of unconsciously like when you sleep. I see you. You’re… wow. You’re beautiful, breathtaking. You’re.. like me..”

It was in this moment that she notices her own form. 

She always thought her spirit animal would be more like a Halla, instead she was a white wolf. 

She could feel his warmth in her mind, but also his physical form around him adjusting in their bed. His engorged member rested against her thigh, threatening to breach her wetness. 

“Solas?”

He was breathing a little harder. He pressed his lips firmly on her, their tongues entangling languidly. His left hand reached for her hair, massaging her scalp gently as his other hand brought her chest closer to his. 

_ Show me your pain. I’m here. Commit your fears unto me. _

Ellana let out a purr, revealing her earlier thoughts in images and feelings towards him. She felt the tension in her mind ease as she watched his thought form receive the onslaught of her pain and emotional turmoil.

A growl escaped from his lips, followed by a whimper. It didn’t take long before he started tearing up himself. Ellana’s eyes flew open, disorientated by the sudden light again. She opened her eyes a moment before Solas’, just enough time to watch his green-azure eyes flying open. Pressing her hip down, she felt his cock gliding into her core, and her body squeezing down instinctively.

“May I have permission to pleasure you?” He begged, eyes hungry with desire as he shifted to be above her. “Please?”

“Granted.” Ellana let out a whimper of pleasure, feeling her arousal crashing in waves across her skin. 


	15. willingly

After attaining consent to proceed, Solas began thrusting in slow rhythmic movements, trying to find an angle that would bring her most pleasure. Ellana’s hand found its way from his neck to the back of his scalp, bringing his head closer to her neck. Solas took it as a sign that she wanted attention in that area of her body and wasted no time leaving careful kisses all over her jawline and collarbone. 

“Faster.. please” Ellana instructed, feeling her mounting pleasure. She could tell that he was probably not going to last any longer than several seconds. She wanted to push him over the edge once more. He did as he was told, increasing his speed as he thought she was about to be pushed over the edge. He very much wanted her to come on his cock, over and over if he could help it, he wanted to make her blissful.

“You seem quiet-” she breathed heavily into his ear.

“-I.. refuse to taint your.. pleasure.. with my unworthy voice..” He managed through his teeth, trying very hard not to succumb to his own building pressure. 

Ellana felt herself get braver, biting her lip as a devious idea slipped into her mind.

“Beg for me.” She ordered.

“Please, my Queen, please.. use me for your pleasure, tell me how to make you happy, I offer myself as tribute..” Solas growled back without hesitation, increasing his speed yet again, filling her to the hilt with every thrust. 

This was the first time she could observe him in the light properly. His arms and chest, all sinew and muscle, so different from the apostate she knew. The careful dips in his abdomen, alabaster skin stretched over his athletic form. She felt yet another wave of pure delight race through her mind, knowing that she had some control over him. It was exciting, wielding this power. 

“Did I tell you to stop begging?” She prompted.

“No my love, please command me.. I am at your thrall, please.. I am unworthy of your.. being..and yet you grace me with your presence.. I live only to make you happy…” He moaned louder, seriously close to his own release now. He was finding the new Lavellan rather more preferable than the mousy, reluctant inquisitor he met years before. 

Ellana arched her back in pleasure, pressing her breasts into his face. He attached his lips to the perky tips of her breasts, suckling each one briefly before leaving red marks all over her décolletage with his lips. 

“Please take your pleasure, my love,” Solas begged, maintaining his speed and displacing many pillows as he does so. 

Ellana felt her orgasm roll across her lithe form, letting out a repressed moan of pleasure. Her hand turned into a claw around his neck. A feral growl filled with pure joy erupted from his lips, this sublime creature in his bed was his Queen, and he was proud of it. 

Perhaps she was just feeling unhinged that day, but somehow this all felt too familiar. 

Moss, waterfall, bonfire.

“Fenedhis!” She purred, squeezing down tightly on his cock as she came. 

He tried really hard not to, but he could not hold on any longer. Unwinding in his mind, he felt his own pleasure take over as he released within her. He was fully prepared to bring her to orgasm yet again had this not happened. Solas felt a sense of déjà vu wash over him. 

Panting, smiling, crying a little. Ellana let out a small chuckle, guiding his chin to her lips before giving him a peck. She briefly wondered if it jogged his memory, the way she called out at him. 

“Well that was fun..” 

Solas looked slightly distraught, “I’m sorry, I didn’t ask for permission to release, I deserve punishment.” He placed her back in his arms in a spoon, grabbing the dagger on the bedside table and slipping it into her palm. “Please, do as you will.” He offered. 

Ellana felt the cold handle of the jewelled dagger, briefly entranced by the colours of the gems. She placed it aside. 

“I’ll allow it.” She smirked, as if it didn’t already happen before. 

“I am unworthy of you.” Solas continued to kiss her temple, whimpering as she fought her way out of his arms to use the bathroom. She was rather glad that plumbing was an amenity in this palace he renovated, remembering how it had to be done up back at Skyhold and everyone had chamberpots for the first few weeks. 

Returning to his awaiting arms, Ellana rested her head against his neck, assessing all the new bruises she acquired. Maybe this was enough. No plans, no ulterior motive. Maybe she was going to allow herself to enjoy this small piece of happiness she had found with Solas. 

“Do you have plans for today?” Ellana observed his heart thumping in his chest, running her hand over the deep scratches she made in his skin. 

“My only plan is to make you very happy.” Solas replied, giddy in his recent orgasm, a rather stupid grin over his mug. 

“If you’re serious I will be holding you to this offer.” She chided, noticing he had entwined his legs around hers. 

“Name it and it’s yours.” 

“Food. I want breakfast.” Ellana replied in a stroppy manner. 

“Yes darling, I’ll go fetch some, I’ll be right back.” Solas straightened up immediately, reaching for his tunic and tossing it on rather hap-hazardously before running out of their chambers. 

Laying back into the duvet, Ellana fell fast asleep. 


	16. contractions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lavellan has flashbacks of her labour, and Solas begins to confirm his suspicious whilst being majorly blind to what's right in front of him.

Solas returns to the chamber, his Queen spent and fast asleep. He managed to evade suspicious looks from the cooks in the kitchen, it was still too early for anyone to be properly awake. Most of the clans are still in their various assigned resting areas. Nestled within what’s left of the blankets and pillows, his beloved Inquisitor. Placing the tray of eggs and fruit on the nearby table, Solas carefully repositions her into a more comfortable position before ensconcing her in his protective embrace once more. 

The fragrance of her hair, her lashes against her cheek, elegant fingers curled against the mattress. 

Domestic bliss. No armies, no tactics, no revenge. 

Solas didn’t mean to pry, but he was too.. curious. 

Entering her dreams, he made sure to keep a distance to ensure he was undetected. 

The room was dim and pulsing with the light of a single candle. Tapestries on the wall looked handmade, fraying and blackened with age. Ellana Lavellan lay on the single bed in the middle of the room, vallaslin adorning her porcelain face. Her scream tore through the air, followed by rapid pants and uneven moans. There were others in her dream - an older woman holding her hand and stroking her hair, as well as another elf at the edge of her bed. She said nothing, clean towels tucked in her arms as she stood a short distance away from the bed.

“Push!” 

“I’M PUSHING!” 

Hastened breaths escaped her parted and trembling lips, followed by whimpers of pain. 

“The head isn’t breaching, Ellana we have to consider other options!” 

Overlapping voices of encouragement, a flurry of whispers and conversations. The single candle in the room flickered against the wall, casting long shadows across the ceiling.

Solas froze. He was witnessing her memory of her.. labour? 

Searching the dream for signs of Cullen, he realised they were in a Dalish settlement. The vases in the room, the way the joints in the roof were carved, the wooden legs of the chairs and tables; all of it reeked of the Dalish. 

He covered his mouth to prevent him from saying anything, shaken to his bone. He had never seen her like that before, vulnerable and heavily pregnant. She looked no older than seventeen. If she had been pregnant whilst being the inquisitor, he definitely would have noticed. This Ellana was younger, less weathered. 

“ I feel really f-faint.. ” She mumbled, her voice growing smaller. He noticed her spread knees slumping gradually. 

The older woman’s eyes looked around wildly, searching for a tool of some sort. 

“Save my child, please.. please Keeper..” Ellana begged, her voice now only an exasperated whisper. 

The woman froze, exchanging a look with the other who stood at the foot of the bed. The Keeper ran the dagger’s blade through a fire till it glowed red briefly. She froze in her spot as the colour from her face grew ashen. Solas wanted to reach for her, to hold her hand and kiss her all better. Whoever the child belongs to, Solas simply cared that it was hers. If she had a lover before becoming the inquisitor, Solas could understand that as well. Solas would even offer to be the one to cut her open as he trusted his hand more than he did that Keeper’s.

“I’ve.. only seen this done once, and the mother did not survive.. Ellana please give it another push! You’ve dilated you just need to- oh this isn’t good.” The older woman mumbled in an urgent and worried tone. 

“WHAT DOES THAT MEAN ‘OH THIS ISN’T GOOD?!’ ” She cried out, struggling to look down and what’s happening.She let out another scream which echoed around the room. The elf woman at the foot of the bed moved to cover her mouth with her hand. Ellana shook it away, muttering curses under her breath as she did so. 

The elf woman raised a hand and struck her across the cheek before stuffing a towel in her mouth.

“Scream any louder and the entire clan will hear you! Be silent!”

“ Stop it, Mae!” The keeper hissed, removing the towel from Ellana’s mouth. “Out with you!” 

The other elf shot them a glare before leaving the room, slamming the door as she went. 

Solas observed a small, unmistakable shadow of an infant’s hand reaching from between her legs. The baby’s head did not breach first, which makes it a difficult and dangerous labour.

“I DON’T CARE! I’LL DO IT MYSELF, GIVE ME THE KNIFE!” Ellana screeched with great effort, panic glistening in her eyes and her left hand reaching out for the blade. Her determination was always a core part of her character, Solas saw much of himself in that. He watched her back arching, hands clawing and bony, sweat drenching her hair and brow, blood staining the sheets. Bloody towels lay limp in a basin of stagnant water by the bedside. He observed the blood against her pale thighs, her swollen belly, her palms. 

Solas knew well what was about to follow. He shut his eyes, a tear falling from his eye. His heart pounded with both hatred for himself and profound fear for his beloved. To know she dreamt of this memory, to know it happened to her and she never mentioned this to him ever. So brave, so young.

“Hush, Ellana, I’ll do it, it’s safer if I do it, we don’t want to injure the babe.” The older woman scurried over to her, offering her a tonic. 

“Drink this, quickly!” She urged. Ellana took it without hesitation, and the room grew darker around her dream. The last thing Solas saw was the knife carving into her abdomen, the vial of potion dribbling against the wooden floor where it fell from her limp and cold hand. 

Shaking and disoriented, Solas’ eyes flew open. Covered in perspiration and still panting from what he saw, he notices Ellana’s eyes furrowed in pain, pillow cover drenched in tears. He had a choice to make. Either Solas can admit he’d been spying and wake her, or pretend not to notice and allow her to continue being stuck in her memory. 

Wiping his own tears away, he reached out to shake her awake.

“Darling, you’re having a bad dream,” he purred into her ear as he shook her gently. “Wake up, you’re safe.”

With a laboured moan, Ellana’s eyes blinked open. 

“Bad dream,” she frowned, heart still palpitating against her chest.

“Yes, just a bad dream.” He echoed, placing her close to his chest. 

Ellana panted, the pain radiating from her abdomen stark and throbbing with rage. 

Her hand instinctively went to her scar, stopping midway as she remembered she had not told Solas about it yet. 

“Solas?”

“Yes Vhenan?”

“How many clans have you gathered?”

“Almost all of them, we’re still looking for Clan Relde and Clan Ladris, but most of them are here.”

“Do you take down the names of everyone who has gathered?”

“Of course, this isn’t my first time organising a civilisation you know!”

“Do you have a list?”

“Yes, why?”

“Everyone? Even the children?”

“Yes! Why are you asking?”

“Can I have it?” 

Ellana shut her eyes. Six months after the birth of her children. Two years in the inquisition. Two more till they meet again and he takes her arm. Another year passed before he found her again. 

They would be no older than Seven presently. 

“Of course, may I ask why?”

“I.. my friends. I just want to know that they are safe.” 

_ She’s a terrible liar. If you haven’t pieced it together yet, then you are a bigger fool than I thought, my friend.  _

**_ I’m figuring it out!  _ **

_ Shall I tell you or do you want to torment yourself further? _

**_ Mythal, there’s nothing to figure out, clearly she has had children and she wants to find them.  _ **

_ Have you figured out why she has failed to mention this? _

**_ Because she’s afraid of hurting my feelings. Or she’s afraid I would not love them as my own.  _ **

_ Oh Dread Wolf, you are even slower than I had hoped.  _

**_ What. Am. I. Missing.  _ **

_ Search her mind.  _

**_ No! Her mind is her own.  _ **

_ Well then. I guess you will have to wait.  _

**_ I refuse to betray her trust yet again.  _ **

_ Want to bet?  _

**_ … No.. _ **

“I’ll have the book sent in as soon as I can.” Pressing a kiss on her forehead, Solas attempted to put her back into bed. 

“No. I want to come with you.” Ellana insisted, hoping she would get to familiarise herself more with his palace, and hopefully speak with Keeper Deshanna. 

Sighing, Solas fetches a dress from the nearby wardrobe and presents it to her. 

“As you wish, my love.” 


	17. unplanned

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ellana is ready to tell Solas her secret.

Pink was not a colour she wore. 

She loves pink, she always has, but she never wore it after joining the inquisition. To Ellana, pink was a colour of youth, a colour of joy and hope. She lost that joy the moment her children were cut out of her. And yet, there she was, in a pink dress. Blush pink more specifically. Long sheer sleeves, high neckline, waist hugging, flowing at least a meter behind her in a train. Flowers embroidered along the hemline, trailing up to her knees. 

This was her new chapter. She was no longer the Inquisitor, she was Solas’ Queen. Was he some sort of.. King? Lord? She was unsure what ranking he held in his new organisation, or what his title was. No one seemed to address him as anything other than “Sir” or “Solas”. 

The girl in the mirror staring back at her, the one with the scars and a missing left forearm, she did not recognise this girl. Solas stood behind her, running a hairbrush through her hair. She noticed his slight smile, the way his eyes seemed to blank out with bliss as he parted her golden locks and brushed each segment, watching it curl back to its original position and settling the new perfect curl on her shoulder. 

He seemed different too. His armour today seemed unembellished, toned down almost. No fancy breastplate, no bejewelled cuffs. It seemed as though a weight was lifted off his shoulders. Solas was never used to being the center of attention. He preferred being the helpful advisor to the benevolent ruler. With expert precision, he began braiding her hair. His fingers threading back and forth between her golden locks, he tugged at the strands with great care, making sure he did not hurt her scalp. 

“Where did you learn to do this?” Ellana said in a small voice. 

Solas remained silent, securing the finished braid with a ribbon before moving on to the other side of her unbraided hair. 

“Hmm?” 

“From now on, if you give me anything other than a straight answer, I’m done with you.” Ellana replied in a louder tone. 

_ “I used to braid Mythal’s hair.”  _

“Who was she to you?”

_ Nothing but the truth, my friend. _

**_ Shush. _ **

“She was my best friend.” Solas replied, unable to hide the sadness in his voice. The edges of his brows furrowed slightly, almost as though he was reliving the moment he killed her. 

_ “Annnd?” _

“She was my Keeper.”

“Nothing more?”

“There’s a millennia of history to catch you up to if you truly want to know how Arlathan was built. The main point is that she eventually became a powerful military tactician. I was her General.”

_ “Did you love her?” _

Securing the second finished braid, Solas knelt before her and placed his head on her lap. 

“Yes. I did. _Once._ ”

Ellana grew silent, she wasn’t sure what she expected. Was this jealousy? And now she’s practically living in his head. That’s… not ideal either. 

“She did not return my affections. One thing your people got right, she was _attached_ , but as you can probably tell by now, not to me. In retrospect that was a good decision.”

Ellana nodded slowly, feeling her hand creep onto the pale column of his neck which was not covered by his armour. Solas did not flinch, instead he covered her hand with his own and applied slight pressure. 

_ My goodness, she does have you wrapped around her remaining little finger doesn’t she? _

**_ You rejected me, you don’t get a say in this anymore. _ **

_ Yes, because I wasn’t into clingy men.  _

**_ Clingy!  _ **

_ You’ve practically attached yourself to her every moment of the day, you are in no position to defend yourself. You used to follow me around like a puppy too. I wonder how long it takes before she tires of you. _

**_ I can’t wait to find you a new vessel.  _ **

Ellana tightened her grip slightly more, feeling his pulse under her fingers. The sudden surge of power. She could hurt him if she wanted. He would let her, as he so actively demonstrated. Ellana briefly wondered if she would regret not doing it someday, if he ever did something as stupid as running away and forming a secret organisation. She wondered if she would regret it on that day. The delicate balance of gaining his trust and affections, versus keeping him a distance away from her own agenda. 

Solas shut his eyes at the newfound pressure on his neck. More than anything, he felt a sense of glee, of fulfilment and trust. He knew she would not hurt him of course, and he would never let it get to that point, but he also felt he wouldn’t mind if he died by her hand. It would be the preferable way to go, if there was one. 

Letting go, Ellana stood abruptly before moving away from him, the heels of her shoes clicking as she paced towards the door.

“Vhenan?” Solas offered, stumbling off of her lap and remaining on the floor on his knees. 

Ellana said nothing, a slight anger and jealousy still bubbling in her chest. She reached for the door but found she was unable to open it without two hands. Letting out a yell of frustration, Ellana grabbed the nearest object she could find, which happens to be a glass candle holder, and hurled it across the room. It shattered and slid across the room, pieces of glass flying and bouncing off the walls. Solas made a mental note to have it cleared up as soon as housekeeping came around.

Rushing over to her side whilst avoiding glass shards, Solas wraps his arms around her form tightly as though she might disappear if he didn’t hold her tightly enough. 

“ _I feel like a prisoner here._ I can’t do anything without your help. I can’t leave the room, I can’t feed myself, I can’t defend myself, I don’t know anyone, I’m not even sure my Clan wants to see me. I don’t wanna risk running into them by going downstairs or exploring, and I am seriously uncomfortable with the staring.” 

“You’re not a prisoner here. I would never dream of locking you away. That’s the opposite of what I want.” Solas mumbled into her hair, his hands running up and down the length of her arms in a comforting rhythm. 

“What is it that you want?”

“I want to do what you want me to do.” Solas replied softly, pressing a kiss over her neck. “I want you to be happy, to be safe, I want you to be free. It’s all I’ve ever wanted for you. Since the moment I met you.”

Ellana pursed her lips, her heart racing and mind itching to ask him when he thought it was that they met. 

“ _What was your first impression of me?_ ” She prodded, keeping her tone even so as to not give away her true intentions. 

“Young. Very Young.”

At least he got that right. 

Solas pressed yet another kiss on her neck, flicking his tongue over her skin for a brief moment. 

“ I thought you were in pain. Not just from the anchor, but you were feeling some kind of.. inner pain. I wanted to help.” 

“ _ **You really don’t remember do you?**_ ” Ellana sighed, untangling herself from his embrace yet again. 

“Remember what?” 

“Remember meeting me for the first time.”

Confused, Solas searched his memory. Ellana unconscious, in a ragged Ferelden bedframe, blood on her brow. Ellana's anchor on her hand, how he kissed her over and over in her sleep. How he tried to remove it and put it on himself. She was always destined to be his anchor.

“Darling, you’re rather hard to forget, I watched over you till you woke up I think I would remember my first impression of you.” Surprised by her sudden outburst, Solas took a step away from her, raising his hands up as if in submission. 

“Wow. Just wow. Open this door.” Ellana replied coldly. 

Solas felt his entire body hurt all at once. He had somehow offended her within their last conversation and had absolutely no clue what it was he had said. 

“As you wish.” He felt as though his feet had grown roots and attached themselves onto the ground, and he had to pull them out to make his way to the door so he could use both his hands to lift the heavy hatch blocking the door. His entire body was screaming for him to stop, for he had no idea if he would regret this very moment. He had to choose between her freedom, and his own selfish needs. 

“Ellana. I’m sorry. Whatever it is I said, I’m sorry.” Solas whispered, feeling the breeze of her departure down the darkened stair. 

Stopping in her tracks, she turned to look up at him. 

_“This is the first time you’ve called me by my name.”_

Silence filled the space between them, the narrow passage throbbed with tension. Ellana could only notice the parted space between his lips, reminding her of how he so expertly pleasured her with them just moments before. 

She was unsure if this was shock, or surprise, or anything ranging from great joy to great anger.

“Would you.. like me to stop?”

“No.” 

Solas made his way down to her eye level, and then took a further step down so her eyes could look down upon him. 

“I’m sorry. I did not mean to upset you. If you would tell me what I said to upset you, I promise to never do so again. If you wish to punish me and reward me with pain, I’ll fetch you any tool of your choosing..” Solas paused, his voice breaking slightly. “Please tell me how to make you happy again. I’ll accept anything you offer.” Self loathing filled his mind, regressing him to when he was just a servant in Mythal's thrall. He finds himself in awe and service of yet another formidable and magnificently talented woman. It seemed to be a trend with him.

Shaking her head to clear away her unwanted flurry of emotions, Ellana let out a single heavy sigh. 

“ You were taking me to the list of names of everyone you’ve gathered?” 

“Will it make you happy to see that your friends and family are safe?”

“Yes.”

“Do I have permission to hold your hand?” Solas reached forth with both his palms, eyes eager, skin hungry for her touch once more. 

Supressing the anger she previously felt, Ellana offered her right hand. Solas received it with a kiss, pressing his cheek against her calloused hand and letting out a whimper. With great care, he began leading her down through the winding stairs. 

They reached a set of double doors. Through the vestibule, down another flight of stairs, through the kitchens, winding behind the fence of the garden, down yet another flight of stairs, passing soldiers, servants, chefs, maids, but no civilians of any kind. They mostly ignored the pair, Solas was calculating the least crowded route to his office so she would have to see the least number of people as possible. 

The layout of this palace reminded her of Skyhold. She got lost almost every day the first month. Solas was the only person able to navigate Skyhold effectively, of course now it makes sense since he.. commissioned the building of Skyhold. 

Soldiers guarding the large bronze doors wore armour identical to Solas. Stepping aside, they parted the heavy doors with a creak. 

A single large desk dominated the room. It reminded her a little of Cullen’s office back at Skyhold, except it was lined wall to wall with books and scrolls. The ceiling of coloured glass let in light of a thousand colours which spilled across the avenue. Solas released her hand momentarily, making his way to the desk and rumbling through its drawers before extracting a leather bound book. 

Book in hand, Solas presents it to her with his eyes lowered. It was relatively new compared to the other books present. It was wrapped in halla leather and secured with a bronze clasp trimmed with vine motifs. 

Ellana threw him a glare. 

_ “Is that the book?” _

“Yes.”

Ellana sat at the edge of the desk, briefly experiencing a flashback of Cullen’s hands pushing her down before he crawled over her. She let out a soft moan before stopping herself. Momentarily, she missed Cullen's deep cypress scent, his muscular arms poorly hidden in his patched-over shirts. The way he smiled so warmly, and jested over her eating habits. 

She places the book on her lap, struggling to undo the clasp of the book. Solas briefly considered moving to help her, however he felt as though his assistance was unwelcome at the moment. 

“Please help?” Ellana lifted the book to him once more. 

With a smile, Solas moved to sit beside her on the table, wrapping his left arm around her waist and threading it over her waist so he could undo the clasp. Holding the book for her, Solas placed his head on her shoulder cautiously, primarily because he thought he could better follow where her eyes were reading from that angle. Ellana reached to flip the pages. 

The chapters were well documented. Alphabetically by Clan, then by name, then by lineage, then by age and rank. There was a red dot beside the names of some, a symbol of a circle beside other names, and names that were cancelled out. 

“What do the symbols mean?”

“Red dots are recruited, circled names are missing, crossed out names are the ones we’ve lost along the way.” 

“So the only important ones are the ones that can fight?”

“No, they’re all important, that’s why I didn’t leave any names out, not even the children or the deceased.” 

Solas tried to observe what she was interested in looking out for. 

Ellana flipped until she saw Clan Ghilain, which was about halfway through the book. She never knew why she was so drawn to it until she met Ameridan and realised he was from Clan Ghilain. Her eyes sped through the names. She couldn’t find a family with twins, each family only had one child. Did they separate her children? 

Sadness throbbed in her heart. How could Keeper Deshanna separate them? What did they tell them of her? What were their names? Leliana only revealed that they were twins, but no indication as to their gender or names. 

Letting out an annoyed groan, she leaned back and choked back a tear. She felt like a failure of a parent even though there was nothing she could have done to change the situation. 

“Maybe if you tell me what their names are, I could help-“

“-I don’t know! I don’t know their names! I don’t remember anymore!” She cried out in desperation, flipping to the following page in exasperation. It was a continuation of the previous page, except in the lower graphs there were two names which were unaffiliated but far apart on the family tree. Beside them was a blue dot each followed by a question mark. 

Caeruleon. (?) 

Aphelia. (?)

“What’s the blue dots mean?”

“It means I’m unsure of who they're related to in terms of lineage.” 

“Unsure? What does that mean? I thought you had spies!” Ellana breathed hard, feeling her anxiety levels rising. The room began to spin around her, a sharp pain coursing through her spine as her back tensed.

“The carpet is blue, the table has gold edges, the banners are white, the chairs are light azure, the lamps are pink.” Ellana shut her eyes, breathing in for five seconds before letting her breath out through her mouth. 

Solas shifted slightly, putting the book to his side and enveloping her in his arms once more. 

“What do you hear?”

“I hear birds, I hear the wind, I hear people chatting upstairs, I hear footsteps,” She managed, shutting her eyes and observing her nausea bubbling up in her abdomen. 

She took another breath for five seconds, and let that out through her mouth. 

Solas stroked her hair, pressing kisses over her forehead. 

“What can you feel?”

“Just you. I just feel you.” She let out a breathe of release. She no longer had to go through the entire process tosnap out of her anxiety attack, perhaps Cole had something to do with that. 

Ellana sat upright once more, flipping quickly to the page with Clan Lavellan, scanning through the list. Clan lavellan’s tree was well established, most of the names were present. Most of them bullied her at some point. She was unable to find her own name until she flipped to the following page. 

The entirety of that page was just her name. Over and over again. And the page after that. And the page after that. Twenty whole pages, just her name, over and over. Some were smudged, as though whoever wrote it was crying. Some trailed off, incomplete, as though the writer fell asleep whilst writing it. The following pages were all filled up with other clans, but Ellana wasn’t interested in those. 

Ellana looked up at Solas slowly, eyes carrying an ocean of pain. 

Solas blinked back his own tears. 

Ellana shut the book, pushing it aside as she shifted to sit on his lap. 

“I have to tell you something.” 

Solas felt his heart rate increase, she was finally going to tell him about her children with Cullen. 

“You have to promise you won’t get angry with me.”

Solas shook his head, his arms growing tighter around her form.“I’ll never be angry with you. Never. I promise.”

“This is something I’ve wanted to tell you for a while now.” Ellana continued.

“Go on..”

“And I wasn’t sure how well you were going to take the news..” 

“There’s nothing you can do that will ever make me angry.. my darling.”

“Great.” Ellana nodded.

A moment of silence passed. 

“So remember like a week after you found me? And then we… had.. coitus?” 

Solas furrowed his brow. This was not where he thought it was going. "Yes, of course I remember."

“And we’ve never spoken about this, I mean I’m not even sure what we are! I’m your… companion? Girlfriend? I mean what even is your role in your.. gathering? Are you some kind of.. Keeper? Supreme Keeper?” 

“That’s… an entire different conversation we need to have about what your role here is. I’ve gathered our people because we are one people. We will rebuild Arlathan, and someone has to lead them, but not me. You. I will be here every step of the way, but even before Arlathan was a matriarchy. I was hoping to elect you the Matriach. I was planning to be your.. advisor-”

“-Husband. My husband.”

“Husss….band…” Solas hissed softly, feeling the pit of his stomach ache suddenly.

Taken aback, Solas cupped her porcelain cheeks in his hands. 

This was not how it worked in Arlathan, but of course Solas was not planning to reinstate the harem system. He was not planing to share Ellana with others. Regardless, this was not what he had expected Ellana to want to reveal to him. 

“Do you not have those in Arlathan? Damn, what else did the Dalish get wrong?”

“No! No… we had matrimonies yes.. I just never expected..” Trailing off, Solas felt a sheen of perspiration start to form around his head. 

“Do you not… want to… get married?” 

“I do! I do want to get married.”

“But you haven’t asked, it’s all just riddles with you!” Ellana hopped off his lap, pacing around the room and looking at the various items in the shelves. She noticed a satchel he used to carry tucked between two shelves. It was tattered beyond repair, which made her infer he kept it for sentimental reasons.

“Let’s get married. Let’s do it as soon as possible.” Solas announced, getting off the table and making his way to her side.

“You still have this old thing? I remember you used to carry it with you with that stupid mug that kept rattling and giving away our position…” Ellana lifted it, but the base was tearing off its seams. With a thud, a plush blue blanket unfurled itself, no bigger than a picnic cloth.

Ellana gulped, the back of her neck spiked with goosebumps. She lifted it carefully, holding it close to her chest and sniffing it. She had tried so hard to keep him from knowing.

Solas’ eyes widened, Ellana was about to realise that he knew the entire time. 

“So you know.”

“I do.” Solas responded with a solemn tone. Shutting his eyes, he waited for the words to leave her lips. I had a child with Cullen and I’m going to leave you to find them. 

“How long?”

“A while. But I didn’t want to push you..” 

Ellana sniffled, a stone lifted off her chest instantly. 

“I just didn’t want our child to be.. out of wedlock.” 

Our child. 

OUR. Child.

Yet another wave of realisation washed over Solas. Ellana wasn’t planning to tell him about her other child with Cullen at all. He was somewhat disappointed that after all he had done, he still hasn’t completely earned her trust back.

“You’re… pregnant…” Solas trailed off. 

“Yeah but you knew that already, you probably realised by now that it has been two months.. and my moon cycle has yet to begin, and that I've had trouble sleeping, that’s why you went and got a blanket for a baby right?”

“Right!” Solas replied. “Yes! I noticed you were.. increasingly emotional and had strange cravings..”

This was not going the way he had planned. 

Ellana stood and insinuated herself back in his arms. Absentmindedly, he put her in his embrace tightly. 

“I’m going to be a father..” Solas said faintly. _“I’m… I might need a minute to process this..”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BAMBOOZLED AGAIN!


	18. the wolf's bride

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some truths, some secrets

The palace was waking. 

Frozen in place, Solas stared blankly ahead into the bookshelf, tapping his foot against the floors in a slow rhythm. Cole was both oddly specific and not at the same time. 

“Do you.. want to be left alone?” Ellana offered, folding the blanket back neatly and tucking it under her arm. She was planning to bring it back to the room. 

Solas snapped out of it, shaking his head fervently before taking the blanket from her. 

“I’ll have someone send this up to the room. If you want to get married before announcing your pregnancy, bringing a babe’s blanket in hand and being seen doing it is not the way you want to portray your image.” Solas pressed a kiss over her forehead before calling in one of the guards outside. 

“Sir?”

“Please have this sent to the tower chamber, thank you. Discreetly.” Solas commanded with a gentle smile. 

“Of course.” 

The guard left with a slight bow, the staff behind his back swaying as he made his way out of the room. 

Ellana caught the door before it closed completely, making her way out. She’s learnt now that the doors can’t be opened unless pushed at the same time. Hoping off the table, Solas followed after diligently, watching for an indication that he was allowed to hold her hand again. 

This was both familiar and foreign at the same time. The eyes, the smiles, the greetings. It was clear they did not know what to call her. 

“Lady Lavellan” was the most common greeting used. 

Ellana strutted through the hallways, going through every open door she found. 

“Solas? Can you explain how the Clans are organised?”

“Certainly, what do you want to know?”

Solas moved to stand behind her, catching the edge of her skirt’s train just before it was treaded over by children running across. He held it in his hand carefully, but remained a step behind her. Ellana had the creeping suspicion that this was where he was most comfortable. This was the real Solas, not the apostate, not the liar. This was Solas before all of it. She smiled a little, knowing that she was helping him become who he was once again. 

“Where did you… house everyone?” 

“There’s a thousand rooms in this building. I had all the expensive furniture moved out, sold and with the gold I repurchased bunk beds, I refurnished the royal quarters to accommodate as many as possible. You should know this isn’t the only establishment I’ve acquired for our people. We have many more hidden fortresses. You just happen to be tracking your Clan, and they came here. You’re lucky I was here when you called out to me too.” 

“I see.” Ellana reached for his arm. 

Solas wrapped his left arm around her waist, taking her right in his own. 

“Where did you house my clan?”

“They’ve elected to stay near the waterfall. It’s two floors down.”

“Can we visit them?”

“This is as much my palace as it is yours.” 

Ellana could see elves gossiping across the balcony, stares from all direction as she took his hand. Stopping abruptly, Ellana moved to sit on the stairs closes to them. Solas followed, sitting beside her and bringing her close to his body. Damn the stares, this was perhaps even a little preferable, to be seen with him gave her legitimacy before he plans to coronate her. He observed several groups whispering to themselves in the distance, but mostly avoided them as they were coming down the stairs behind them. 

“I have to tell you something else.” Ellana shut her eyes, shaking her head slowly. She was either going to majorly regret this or she was going to have to run away if it was too much. 

“Another revelation?”

“I wasn’t.. well liked in Clan Lavellan.”

“I find that hard to believe.”

Ellana placed her head against his neck, taking in his scent. 

“I made a mistake when I was young. I was sixteen. It’s not how it happens, we are paired at eighteen and then we are to.. repopulate the clan.”

Solas remained silent, simply creating the space for her candour. He was running various conversations in his head, wondering where she was going with this. She was just full of surprises today. 

“I was sure it was you, but now I’m not so sure anymore.”

“What do you mean?”

“I was really angry when you said you didn’t remember the first time you met me, because you met me before I was Inquisitor Lavellan.”

Solas shut his eyes. In his mind, the sound of waterfalls stirred.“Perhaps this is a conversation better had behind closed doors?” He reminded, the back of his head hurting. 

Ignoring what he said, Ellana turned to him and placed her right hand against his scalp. Sniffling once more, she felt her eyes watering involuntarily. She chuckled several times through her tears. 

“ _You cut your hair. I almost couldn’t recognise you. The only thing I remembered was your scent and the scar on your brow._ ” She laughed, pressing her forehead to his.

“What?” 

“ _You gave me your staff. You showed me kindness._ ” Ellana continued. “Unless that wasn’t you, in which case I seriously need to rethink where I’m going with this conversation.” 

Solas remained silent, his mind giddy. When was this? He cut his hair the day after he woke from Uthenera..

_ It's lovely watching your confusion, I can't say I didn't warn you.  _

**_ Waaaait.  _ **

**_ WAIT. _ **

Frozen in his place, he watched the person he loved most in the world weep with joy against his skin. He had almost forgotten that day. Now it all makes sense. Her dream, her scar, her obvious curiosity about him when she woke up after the Chantry explosion. Her eyes following him around, the way she smiled at him, the way she tried to get close to him as Inquisitor. Perhaps Ellana was better at keeping secrets than he gave her credit for. 

_“I am nobody, I am unimportant.”_ Solas whispered under his breath. _“There’s no one left to come after me.”_

Ellana let out a yell of joy. “ You remember! After what.. seven years?” 

Meeting her eyes, Solas tried to piece together the events moments after his awakening.Happiness mingled with grief, he held onto her tighter. 

_ “We - You.. “ _

_ “Yep.” _

_ “And you..” _

_ “Yep. Twins!” _

"TWINS?" Solas chuckled low under his breath, he felt in the moment he was eligible for Thedas’ biggest idiot award. 

“ _Alone, you birthed alone,_ you must have been so scared, I should have been there, I will be there..” His hand instinctively went to her lower abdomen. 

“ Honestly I don’t remember most of it, I passed out halfway. My keeper told me they were stillborn. Leliana found them, a village near where mine was. She never told me their names.”

Solas grimaced internally. He had not considered she had anything more valuable to tell him before he killed her. Another secret locked away from Ellana. 

“Is that why you wanted to see the book? You think they may be with Clan Ghilain?”

Nodding slowly, Ellana’s heart throbbed with the pain she first felt when she thought she had lost them. And now they could be right here.. somewhere. 

“So when you said you didn’t want to have a child out of wedlock, you meant you didn’t want children out of wedlock _again._ ” 

“Exactly.”

“I thought you were going to tell me you had children with Cullen! This news - this - we're.. number three!” 

“Goodness no. He’s sweet, but as you can tell I'm attracted to demigods older than my entire civilisation.” 

Ellana stood, pulling Solas up on his feet as well. 

“So yes, that’s what I wanted to tell you before we went to meet my Clan. You know what they call me back home?”

Solas shook his head, returning her to his hip as they continued towards Clan Lavellan’s quarters.

Ellana let out a choked laugh, tasting the irony on her tongue. 

“ _I was the Wolf’s Bride._ ” 

“How very fitting.” Solas smiled, “ _Will I be taking your last name?_ ” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not sure why the chapter notes appear twice, so I urge you to ignore my chapter notes from previous chapters. 
> 
> Regardless, did you like this chapter? How are you feeling about my Lavellan and Solas so far? 
> 
> I'm just wondering how the kids will respond to their parents ~


	19. radiance

“The council has deliberated.” Keeper Deshanna addresses the Dread Wolf and the other clan keepers. “ We are unanimous in our vote for Lady Lavellan as our Matriach.”

A smile curved along Solas’ lips. He was certain they would not oppose his decision. 

“-However,” she interrupted, “She will only have our support so long as our.. ideals remain the same and she has not been corrupted by her time in the Inquisition.”

“I can say for a fact that her time as Inquisitor has only made her stronger. Like tempering steel, she is more patient, compassionate, and sensible than the young lady you sent to spy on the conclave, Istimaethoriel.” 

A flurry of whispers and nods flood the space. Solas observed Abelas roll his eyes from his post at the door. 

“Pardon me, Fen’harel, but if she is Matriach, what does that entail in terms of… authority and rank?” An older Keeper from Clan Sabrae interrupted from the back. 

Solas let out a sigh. 

“This means we are one step closer to Arlathan. The Elvhen had simple requirements in choosing a Matriach. She must be weathered by war, softened by motherhood, able to listen and communicate with her people, and firm in her resolve. She will be our champion, our leader, our mother, our Keeper of Keepers.” 

“We all heard of her experience of motherhood,” scoffed Keeper Talas. “Yet she did not forgo her ambitions to care for her young. The wolf’s bride-“

“ **And I am the Dread Wolf**. Do you take issue with my bride? With my children? Are we not all family?” Solas retorted, eyes stern. 

The Clans are still adjusting to not taking his name as a curse. 

The other twelve Keepers looked back at Keeper Deshanna. 

“Ellana was always a strange one, but without her our skies would still be torn open. I believe she is a net positive in this war.” Keeper Deshanna responded with diplomacy, keeping her smile placid. “We are honoured that one of our Clan bears the burden of carrying your offspring, Fen’harel. We know our place, and that is to serve the greater cause. What greater cause is there than to guarantee your cause has descendants to carry the torch?” 

Solas returned her smile, however his stare remained cold. He is beginning to understand the type of attitudes Ellana’s clan held that drove her to be the way she is now. 

Keeper Deshanna looked to the Keeper Rinai of Clan Ghilain. 

“Sire, with the recent.. revelations, I suppose there’s no point keeping them from you any longer.” Keeper Rinai shifted in her seat. An uncomfortable cough left her throat, “I will bring them to you, personally, after the Council is adjourned.” 

“I will appreciate that. Abelas can accompany you.” 

**_ Follow her closely, make sure they are unharmed.  _ **

_ Understood, Sir.  _

A slight spark went off in his chest, he pictured Ellana crying with her children in her arms, how happy he could make her. This was what power was for, time travel and making your wife happy. 

He noticed from the corner of his eye the young Keeper Deidre from Clan Ladris staring at his jawline. She had been particularly strange around him recently. Ever since he found the wandering and diminished Clan around the Exalted Plains. Keeper Deidre had been smiling too much around him, visibly wearing similar colours to Ellana, and even arrives early to meetings just so she could sit next to him. Solas made a mental note that her childish affections could be exploited in the future, turning to reward her with a small wink. 

Keeper Deidre stiffened, her face pinking completely as she looked away to hide her grin. 

Her footsteps were unmistakable. Light, joyful, and insistently cat like. The double doors of the meeting chambers swung open, Ellana froze for a moment, not expecting so many people in the room, or her own Keeper for that matter. 

Solas stands, the Council following suit. 

“My Radiance,” Solas announces. “ The council is made brighter by your presence.” 

“Hey.. there… guys..” Ellana curtsied awkwardly. Looking to Solas for help, she let out a small squeak. 

He made his way to her at the door, leading her to his seat as he stood behind her, his hand on the chair. 

“We were just discussing how we have voted to elect you as our Matriach,” Solas grinned, pressing a kiss on her head. 

Ellana gulped, she had not expected so many people in the room, in fact she was just planning to go into as many rooms as she can without being stopped for that afternoon. 

Keeper Deshanna leaned forward in her seat, her eyes meeting Ellana’s. 

“ We believe it is in the best interest of everyone that Lady Matriach only begin her duties after carrying her child to term. It can be taxing on her Ladyship’s health to manage the people and go through pregnancy at the same time.” Keeper Deshanna gestured and nodded to the other Keepers as she began. “Until then, we will follow the lead of Fen’harel.”

“I agr-“

“ -Are you trying to decide for Her Radiance when and how she should govern her people?” Solas interrupted quickly. He mimicked her stance, leaning against the arm of the throne Ellana sat upon.He knew it is better to leave the option open than to promise something that one cannot fulfil later. 

“No! I do not mean any offence, if Lady Lavellan believes she has the ability to carry through with the promised plan, then we have have the utmost confidence in her.”

Ellana looked up at Solas, wondering what he was doing answering her questions for her. Solas returned her glance with a certain fierce protectiveness. 

**_ Vhenan, it’s not a good look to have your former Keeper tell you what to do right after we elect you as Matriach. This will set the tone for later engagements, we have to come out strong.  _ **

_ Ahhhhh, I see.  _

“ Please permit me some time to think this through.” Ellana replied in a polite and even tone. 

An acceptable and diplomatic answer, vague but polite. Good. 

“ Your Radiance, will there be plans for grain distribution amongst the City Elves? We’re doing our best to share what we have, but we will run out without means of agriculture or trade.” Keeper Deidre piped in a clear attempt to stump Ellana. 

“We still have enough to last the next year.” Solas answered on her behalf, a hand on her shoulder. “ What’s a greater concern is that there are still those who bow before the false Gods, and wear their slave marks. There will be an expedition of Elvhen libraries so we may bring more knowledge of the Evanuris to our people.” 

The other keepers whispered in agreement. 

“We should however try and reach out and establish some means of trade and communication with other Sanctuaries so that everyone is on the same page, and maybe establish some kind of feedback system on how we can do better to tend to the needs of our enslaved brothers and sisters. I propose each city elf, should they choose to accept, be assigned a foster Clan, so that they may socialise with the Dalish, and the Dalish may become more understanding of what they went through.”Ellana replied, her tone piqued from the recent unexpected question. 

Solas nodded in agreement. “I’ll have the plans drafted for this by this weekend.” 

Ellana smiled, making eye contact with the Keeper sitting beside her. Her freckles, her brunette hair, her eyes looked so young and hopeful. It reminded her of herself before she left the Clan. She noticed the Keeper even had remnants of a green streak drawn and removed hastily from her left palm. Keeper Deidre lowered her eyes in respect. 

“I think we’ve covered everything we have to for today. Dismissed.” Solas announces. 

Scraping chair legs across the floors, the other elves floated out of the room. Ellana remained quiet in her chair, staring at a dent on the white marble table. Solas takes his place beside her where Keeper Deidre has left. 

“Beloved?” 

“ _That was really scary.._ There’s so many of them.” Ellana elaborated, reaching for his hand. 

“You were wonderful, maybe just.. don’t promise anything until you know you can follow through okay?”

“Okay. I’m just more used to just Leliana, Cullen and Josie.” Ellana let out a sigh. 

Solas flinched internally at the mention of their names. One of them he killed, the other was her former lover, and Josie was just a decent wholesome person. There was a soft rasping at the door. Abelas’ shadow stretched across the floor until he reached the door. Behind him, two small children no older than seven. 

Ellana let out a gasp, her hand tightens on his. Solas felt his heart beating faster, he hadn’t been this nervous before. 

Abelas shuts the door behind him, the room left with just the four of them. 

Solas exchanged a glance with Ellana, watching her tears begin to brim from her eyes. 

“Mamae!” They ran forth, piling onto Ellana and completely ignoring Solas. 

“I’m so sorry, I’m so so sorry, I love you so much” Ellana cried out, her arms trying to contain as much of them as possible as they buried their faces in her hair. Solas stood beside her, unsure of how to feel. Hurt? Anger? Joy? Should he leave? Should he stay? His first instinct is screaming for him to leave. He didn't deserve this type of happiness. After all that he's done to her, he didn't deserve to be in the happy family picture. Fighting all of that, he stays firmly planted to his chair, unable to do anything other than watch her happiness and younger carbon copies of them crying in her lap. 

Solas placed his arms around them, silent and fighting back tears. 

The girl, blonde curls falling to her back, green blue eyes like his. She peaked through Ellana's hair to sneak a peak at Solas, blinking with curiosity, she reached out to him with one hand, landing on his cheek. The boy, dark messy locks like the ones he used to have, cropped short, a side of his head shorn to the scalp. He had eyes like Ellana's. Solas notices the callouses on the girl's palms, as if they had been training with a staff. 

They looked thin, almost malnourished. Solas couldn’t blame Clan Ghilain. From what he gathered they did not even have enough resources for themselves. He had only himself to blame. If he hadn't given the Orb to Corypheus, Ellana would not have had to go and spy on the Conclave, and she would still have both her arms. Abelas stood by the door, averting his gaze but reaching out to Solas in his mind. 

_ Sir, Keeper Rinai mentioned they have.. strange abilities.  _

**_ I should expect no less, they have Elvhen blood. Their magic is strong.  _ **

_ The boy's name is Caeruleon, he talks in his sleep and tames demons. Aphelia shapeshifts into a white wolf pup, and terrorises the halla. From what I hear they are both mages, but they did not have a Mage in Clan Ghilain to teach them properly so they have been mostly untaught. The Clan did a really good job keeping everything secret. If the Shemlen hear of these abilities they would have sought them out long ago.  _

**_ Fascinating. I shall have to show them how to harness their precocious abilities. Does Ellana know? _ **

_ No, Sir.  _

**_ Keep it that way. I think she will appreciate discovering it herself. Do they have quarters set up? _ **

_ I’ll.. get right on that Sir.  _

**_ Good.  _ **

Looking back down at Ellana, she notices that the pair of fallen asleep against her shoulder whilst sitting on her lap. Ellana’s tears continued, dampening her cheeks, her clothing. 

“I love them so much but _I really really have to pee._ ” Ellana snickered at Solas. “What a good problem to have.” 

Solas smiles, taking the girl in his arms and motioning for Abelas to carry the boy. 

“Thank you for giving me wonderful children.” Solas purrs, pressing a kiss on her forehead. “I’m not really sure how to parent, but I think we can figure it out along the way.” 

Ellana flashes him a grin before running out of the room and up the tower staircase. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ellana interrupts a council meeting accidentally, and Solas meets his children for the first time. There's a small chance Aphelia is going to become a daddy's girl, but I guess you will have to read more to find out~ 
> 
> Thoughts?


	20. more secrets?

The lights of the palace disappeared behind her. The hallas strapped to the chariot of gold and green raced across water clogged grass, making wet splashes with their hooves. Ellana gasped, trying to maintain control of the chariot, her newborn daughter wrapped in a woollen blanket and held tightly by her two other older children curled up with frightened eyes in the back seat. With the chariot rocking under them, Ellana took stock of what she managed to pack. Blankets, bread, coin, weapons, some medicines and tonics, _and the Orb she stole from his office_ wrapped in a leather parcel. 

His howl tore through the night, pained and angry, emanating from the disappearing lights behind them. The trees whipped past in a blur. Noticing the chariot prints in the mud, Ellana made a plan to ditch it once they reached the nearest city. 

“Mamae, where are we going?” 

“ We’re going to go find my friend okay? We’re going to go find Uncle Cullen. He was a templar he'll know what to do. We’re going to be safe. Don’t you worry, I fought a God and won, and I’ll do it again. And you know what? He's not even a God. He's just an egg!” Ellana fumed, turning to tuck them closer together. 

Behind them, she watched a massive black shadow with six eyes galloping towards them at full speed, letting out a growl. With each landing of his feet, the ground shook under his weight. Her eyes darkened as she notices Solas reaching to her mind. It took all of her concentration to steer out of the way of a boulder. 

_** Ellana please! I’m sorry! ** _

_ Solas I told you no more lies! YOU LOOKED ME IN THE EYES AND YOU PROMISED!  _

_** I was going to tell you!You were going through a lot of things and I just thought this was something I could only tell you when you were better! Please, I’ll do anything, please stop the carriage! I'll do anything, I'll give up, we can just go on like this with our people, please, my love! ** _

_ No! IF YOU WANTED TO DO THAT YOU WOULD HAVE DONE SO ALREADY.  _

_ I'M NOT ENOUGH FOR YOU, SOLAS, OUR FAMILY ISN'T ENOUGH FOR YOU.  _

_ IT'S NEVER ENOUGH FOR YOU.  _

_ I get it now.  _

She heard a whimper from the large shadow of a wolf now running side by side with the carriage, breaking tree branches as he ran. The wolf swerved in front of the carriage, causing the hallas to skid and buckle into a pile. Reins, wheels, belongings, all sent flying in different directions. The inertia of it all forced Ellana flying forwards. She turned back, grabbing her newborn child and her other daughter as they thudded into the muddy ground in a pile. Her blue dress stained with mud, her hair tangled beyond compare. 

Solas leapt into the night, catching his son softly between his massive jaw and setting him down, crouching protectively over him. 

“Mamae!” He cried out, clawing towards her and fighting the claw which held him back. 

Warping back to his usual form, Solas knelt before Ellana in the mud, his arms wrapped tightly around his son. 

“Please come back,” he cried, eyes red and swollen from crying. “Please, I’ll do anything, anything at all.” 

Ellana’s daughters held onto her dress, bewildered and afraid. 

“If you love me, let me go.”

“Then I’ll come with you!” Solas howled, crawling towards her on both his knees. His armour now caked with mud, all dignity went out the window. Thick snot drooled from his chin, his chest heaved with the pain of losing her yet again. 

“You don’t get it do you? I’ll never be enough, you’re never just happy with what we have! You just have to go and make it so complicated and so convoluted! I want no part in that plan. If you’re just going to destroy the world, please destroy me with it.” Ellana screeched, clawing her son out of his arms and pulling him behind her. 

“I’m not trying to destroy the world! I’m trying to fix my mistake!”

Ellana conjured a wall of fire between them, watching Solas flinch at the heat before he struggled to counter with ice. 

Turning to her eldest child, Aphelia, she looked into her eyes. 

“Darling, take the halla - that one over there is unharmed, take your brother and sister. Go east to the exalted plains, remember what I taught you about the map? Take my bag, go to the Exalted Plains. You’ll find Cullen in the Riverwatch Camp. Tell him you are my children, show him the parcel that glows green in my rucksack. There’s coin and some food supplies. Run, my children!” Ellana instructed, placing her and her siblings on the remaining Halla. 

“Mamae loves you. Go find Cullen!” Ellana whispered in an urgent tone before pressing a kiss on each of her children's foreheads. 

“I’m scared..” Aphelia responded, eyes watering but still trying to be brave. Ellana placed its reins in her daughter's small palm, showing her how to hold it tight. She then drew a protection rune over each child's arm, watching it glow and fade into their skin. 

“ I'm gonna need you to be a big girl, okay? Can you be strong for me? Hold onto your sisters and don't let go, okay? Go! ” Ellana yelled, slapping the halla in the hindquarters and sending it dashing into the darkness. 

Turning to Solas, Ellana screamed, throwing a dagger hidden in her dress at him. Solas catches it without fail and holstering it in his own belt, his eyes flying between her and the children she sent running off into the darkness.

“You’ll never have them.” Ellana hissed, holding out her staff at him. “ _You don’t deserve them._ ”

Solas gulped, wiping his tears on his sleeve.“You’ll let them go?! Just like that?! It’s not safe out there!” He gestured at the wilderness around them. “Please, let’s go get our children back please!!” 

**“IT’S NOT SAFE TO BE HERE WITH YOU!”** Ellana yelled back, her voice echoing into the trees and sending a flock of raven flying. She dealt another ball of fire towards Solas, watching the fire light up his eyes. 

Solas glared at the direction his children went, letting out a scream of frustration. His heart pounded with concern and self loathing. Bandits, soldiers, wild animals, Qunari, shemlen.. His children, however pure in blood and characteristics, surely could not make it out past this night. Where could she even send them? Where would they be accepted? There are no more wandering tribes out there to turn to for help. 

"WHERE WILL THEY GO?!" Solas started running towards the trail of the halla, but soon changed his mind and returned to the crashed chariot. 

"No where is safe if you're going to destroy Thedas. Why does it matter to you?" She replied, her pain of losing her children crashing down on her as she collapsed onto the floor. 

"If you could just let me explain the plan! I'm not destroying anything, I'm restoring what we had," Solas crouched beside her carefully as her hand was still on her staff. 

"And the other orb?" 

"It was a backup! I needed two to open a portal, one was destroyed so my plan was kind of ruined, then I gained Mythal's essence which meant that just one orb would do now. You were just pregnant, and then you had a difficult birth, and then you weren't eating or sleeping or even functioning! I wasn't going to tell you more things if you can't even function!"

Ellana slapped Solas across the face, watching him land backwards. Solas remained docile, eyes looking up at her with misery. Ellana reached forwards and slapped him once more, harder this time. Solas continued to look in the direction his children went. 

**“ME OR THEM. PICK ONE.”** Ellana challenged, dealing a bolt of lightning at him. Solas dodged out of the way, redirecting her lighting to the trees behind him. 

“ _You. I pick you._ ” Solas ran towards her, grabbing her by the waist and spinning her back into his arms. 

“I hate you so much,” Ellana let out a painful wail, slumping into his embrace and punching his back multiple times. With another scream, Ellana sinks her teeth into his neck, drawing blood. “I hate you I hate you!” 

“I’m so sorry, I deserve pain, I didn't mean to hurt you, I love you so so much,” Solas chanted back like a prayer as he kissed her all over her face and neck, his eyes stinging with how much he’s cried. Drawing a rune of sleep on her back, Solas carried her back to his Sanctuary in the darkened night. 

His scouts were already in the forest, it’s only a matter of time before he finds them again. 


	21. Misdirections

Dry and cracking were the tears stained on her eyes. It has come to the point whereby Ellana was neither able to, nor willing to react to the sound of his voice or the touch of his skin. It didn’t help that she was falling in and out of consciousness. Candles flickered against their cages, casting dark streaks upon the glass. It reminded her of her childhood room. 

Perhaps he deserved this. Perhaps he was trying to right his wrongs, but in the process making more mistakes than he did before. Solas observed the rise and fall of her chest from where he knelt by her side. His lips sore, dry and bleeding from kissing her over and over again in her sleep.He wanted to scream, but found that nothing could leave his body. 

Neither wanted to speak first. 

Heavy headed and unable to balance, Ellana felt a wave of nausea spiral through her mind as she fought to sit up. With urgency, Solas brought the pillow to her neck, adjusting her blankets around her as she displaced them. She couldn’t tell what his expression meant. Pain? Fear? Anger? 

She couldn’t care anymore. 

Midnight blue, thick with mud at the hems, torn by branches, Ellana’s dress trailed off the bed with all the words she did not want to speak. She pictured her children riding fast on the back of the halla, rushing towards the lights of Riverwatch Camp. She wondered what Cullen would do knowing she had children, or that they were carrying a dangerous secret with them. 

A soft rasping against the door echoed through the silent chamber. 

Solas’ eyes snapped up to look in its direction. “Enter.”

The light from outside spilled into the room like a sword. 

Ellana couldn’t make out who was standing by the door, except that it was unfamiliar. 

“Anything?” Solas pressed with eagerness. 

“I’m afraid.. we could not locate the girl.” The soldier reported.

Ellana let out a sigh of relief. 

What a clever girl, she probably left her siblings somewhere misleading to draw the pursuers away from her true goals. She was unsure whether that trait was more like her or Solas. 

“What?”

“They’re back in their chambers, Keeper Deshanna is with them. We found them headed south west. We found the two others, the boy and the baby. They were left at the lion’s pavilion, along with a blanket. ”

Ellana smiled softly, she had taught her eldest child well. She trusted her Keeper to protect her children for now. 

“Keep searching.” Solas commanded, shutting the door behind the soldier. 

“You won’t find her.” Ellana whispered. 

Solas shuffled onto the bed next to her, wrapping his arms around her form and guiding her head onto his shoulder. 

“I will.”

“I order you to stop looking for her.”

“Would you prefer if I found her, or if some band of uneducated mercenaries did?”

“You’re more concerned about your precious foci than our daughter. We both know this is true.”

“You’re more concerned with being angry with me than the safety of our daughter, she’s barely ten years old!” 

Ellana remained quiet, clenching the blankets into a ball. A scream ripped through her chest, she grabbed the closest object to her, in this case a jewelry case, and hurled it across the room. Shattering upon impact, her jewelry scattered across the floor. 

Solas did not flinch, instead holding her closer. She felt his tear dampen her hair. 

“You will forgive me someday for what I did.” 

“No.”

“Yes. You’ll understand why I did what I did. I promise you will.” He insisted, stroking her cheek with his fingertips. “I love you.”

Reaching her right hand to wrap around his neck, Ellana swung him onto the bed beneath her before moving to straddle him. She kept her grip on his neck tight. Solas remained placid and compliant to her sudden action. She relished how it felt to dig her fingernails into his flesh, drawing a slight tinge of red as she did so, feeling his pulse quicken under her palm. 

“Liar.”

“Punish me. Not our daughter. Me. She will suffer because you refuse to punish me.”

“You stay away from Caeruleon. You stay the hell away from him. That boy is going to learn nothing from you.” 

His eyes pressed shut, his body slumps back into the bed. Nodding, he let out a whimper before averting his gaze. “I’ll stay away.”

“I want to hurt you so bad.” Ellana growled, her face close to his. 

“Hurt me, please.” Solas whispered in response, his eyes glistening with regret. “HURT ME!” 

He removed his dagger from his belt with one swift motion, pressing it against his neck and guiding her hand to its hilt. 

“This isn’t me, this is not what I stand for..” She whimpered, unhanding his dagger and placing it on the bedside table. 

Ellana burst into tears, slouching into his arms as he caught her. His hands glided along her back in gentle and soothing strokes. 

“How do we move on from here?” Ellana managed between her tears. 

“ I guess we have to decide if we are able to accept that this is what the other person is, and we need to make a decision regarding whether this is something we are able to compromise on.” Solas purred, swallowing hard. 

“What if I’m not okay with who you are?”

“Then I’m going to have to find a way to accept that.” Solas replies, his breath even, hiding his panic. 

Untangling herself from his arms, Ellana attempted to remove her mud stained dress. It proved to be difficult with a single hand. Solas moved to assist, pulling the dress off her shoulders, her skin prickling with the cold night air. Lifting her easily with his arms, Solas brings her to the filled bath in the next room. He lowers her gently into the water, joining her soon after he removes his armour. 

“ Forget your foolish mission, promise me from now on all that matters is being a good leader to our people. Please.”

“Yes. I’ll stop. I’ll stop everything now. I'll change.  ” Solas promises all too eagerly, his pale lip stained pink with the blood from the cracks in them. Unblinking, he presses his forehead against hers and brushes strands of her hand behind her ear. 

Ellana finally finds the courage to look him in the eyes. She moves closer, pressing her body against his before placing a kiss over his lips. Solas shuts his eyes, a sense of relief filling his mind. 

“I’ll tell you where Aphelia is headed if you promise to stop everything. Stop this ancient dream.”

“Yes, I promise, I’ll stop.” He repeats after her, blinking rapidly. 

“I ..sent her to _Kirkwall, to find Varric_.” Ellana whispered into his ear.

"I see. I'll redirect the scouts." Solas kisses her once more, hard. "Thank you."

Ellana shuts her eyes, leaning against his neck and feeling the love she has for him trickle out of her mind slowly. Drop by drop. 

Two can play at this game. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a while since I posted! Did you enjoy the new direction this is headed in? Shall we make Solas suffer more? I feel he requires some more angst. 
> 
> What age is too young to start your children on wildlife survival training?


	22. unexpectedness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tantrums, story time and Cole being a good nanny.

He stood on the other side of the door, eyes shut, temples pulsing with a dull ache. Arms akimbo, Solas let out a soft sigh. The soft cries of his son emanated from the chamber, Cole’s voice occasionally weaving in and out of the room. He was telling Caeruleon a story, the story of how his mother single handedly beat everyone else at pie eating. 

Solas allowed himself a small smile. He remembered that day fondly. Disinterested as always, he watched by the tavern door. Ellana’s face covered in blueberry, five dishes in a pile beside her, crumbs everywhere. Sera, half asleep but mostly drunk on the table, barely two dishes in. Iron bull started throwing up by the third plate, his head hung low over a trash bin. Josephine and Leliana were sharing a single slice, struggling to finish it without laughing. As for Cassandra, pie was too pedestrian for her, so she decided to replace that with chicken wings instead. 

It would then fall upon Solas that evening to watch over a cramp ridden Ellana, sick from eating too much pie. She threw up on him twice, all over his scrolls, all over his paints. 

The boy stopped crying, his voice inquisitive, asking all sorts of questions. From the corner of his eye, Solas spots the shadow of his beloved growing long in the corridor. She said nothing, pushing him aside as she entered the room, not even casting him a glance. She whispered something, eliciting a chuckle. Solas felt a twang of jealousy. His children were far more familiar with their mother, and based on her words to him the night before, that was not going to change for a very long time. 

The door creaked open slowly. 

“He wants his father.” Ellana emerges from the room, Caeruleon barely fitting in her right arm as she struggled to hold him without her left forearm. Solas catches him swiftly, putting the boy’s head on his shoulder. 

“Thank you.” 

“For what?”

“For letting me have him for this small moment. I don’t deserve this, and yet you let me have him.”

“He wouldn’t stop crying. He doesn’t like when we fight.” 

Cole’s footsteps were unmistakable, light and irregular against the marble floor. 

“You know how to find me. I’m here if you want to play with the cats.” Cole remarked, pressing a finger over the boy’s nose before disappearing into thin air. Caeruleon nods, shutting his eyes tightly and hiding his face in Solas’ neck. 

Ellana allowed herself a smile in that moment as well, her eyes meeting Solas’ reluctantly. 

“I miss my sister.”

“I know sweetheart, I’ve already sent horses after her. She’ll be home soon.” Solas promises, rocking him gently till he seems to have fallen asleep. Bringing him back to his bed, Solas lays him down and places an intricately embroidered blanket over his form. Solas even tried to shut the door as softly as he could without waking him. 

“I want to talk to you about something.”

“What is it, my beloved?” Solas took her into his arms, carrying her bridal style. 

“How many Sanctuaries do we have?”

“ We have eight, we’re securing three more by next week. What is it my dear? Do you wish to visit them?”

“I want to go to Skyhold.”

Solas paused in his steps, setting Ellana down on the mossy floors of the garden where they had sauntered to. “Why?”

“Why not? I’m more familiar with Skyhold than anywhere. I feel safe there.”

Solas furrowed his brows, remembering what he had done with the place. Perhaps it was not the best idea to show her that he had completely rebuilt the grounds.. into an interrogation center. 

“I don’t think that would be possible, it’s going to be conspicuous if we return, and we don’t want another reason for the chantry or val royeaux to pay attention to us. It’s not the most strategic idea.” Solas offered, his hands reaching for hers, and bringing her right hand up to his lips. 

Ellana let out a soft purr. 

“But it would make me happy. Don’t you want me to be happy?”

“I do, very much so, but not at the cost of your safety. If you dislike this palace, we could rebuild one for you, one that you like more? Or perhaps you want to modify it in some way? I’m sure we can compromise on interior decorations.” 

Ellana put her head against his neck where her son previously lay. “You don’t love me.” She pouted. 

“I do! I do love you, I just think that converting Skyhold into a sanctuary is not a tactically advantageous move. If you would like to go there, I’m sure we can go together in the Fade.”

The chattering in the gardens seeped into the silence between them, the other elves murmured under their breath, staring, pointing, smiling too much. Ellana smiled politely back, lowering her eyes and staring into the gauze of her dress. 

“Why is it that I feel like a prisoner here? I thought I had certain liberties as your Queen.” 

“Of course you do, you can do anything you want - within the confines of strategy and safety and foresight. You know that the Qun are getting more volatile by the minute. Charter reports that they are cutting down trees to make boats, mining iron for weapons, and stocking up on grains. Something big will happen soon, we need to be able to defend ourselves even if we were not to be involved.”

Ellana’s mind wandered to her daughter’s whereabouts, wondering if she had reached Cullen yet. She notices her youngest daughter in the arms of her Keeper who was fast approaching. The cries of the infant were shrill and impatient.

“I’m so sorry to disturb your peace, your Radiance, but it seems your daughter might be hungry..” Keeper Deshanna grins, handing the babe over to Ellana. 

“Thank you for taking care of her.” She remarks coldly, pulling out a breast from her bodice and placing the leaking tip into the mouth of her awaiting child. Ellana rocked her several times more, struggling to hold her without the use of her other forearm. She groaned in frustration before Solas wrapped his arms around them both in order to support the baby. 

Keeper Deshanna nods uncomfortably before making her way a respectful distance away, settling on a nearby moss covered bench. Their relationship had been strained since Ellana found out it was she who tipped Solas off about her packing and her arranging to leave. Ellana leaned against Solas’ cheek, pressing a kiss on his jaw. 

“She’s perfect, just like you.”

“Pffft, I’m not perfect.”

“If she has flaws, it’s possibly from my side of the family.” Solas jested, returning her kiss. It seemed as though their fight from the night before was nothing but a dream, slowly disappearing in the cold winter air. 

“I know nothing about your family.” Ellana observed. “What were you like as a child?”

“I was.. a problem child. I was too smart for my own good and I didn’t know how to keep my mouth shut. I got into quite the kerfuffle when I broke into Mythal’s library.”

_ Ah, yes I remember this. You muddied up the entire floor! _

**_ Shush, I’m telling the story.  _ **

“You broke into Mythal’s library? Goodness do you not have a hobby?”

“Mythal was not too pleased about that, so that was how I ended up working with her. She let me read all the books I wanted, and I found out whatever information she needed about the other Evanuris. If our child is even the least bit wild, or rebellious, or disobedient, I can safely say it is from my side of the family.”

Ellana looked up at Solas, feeling the tingling discomfort in her left breast as her daughter suckled on her. 

“Is she in there? Can you hear her speaking to you?”

“Sometimes. I can’t wait to find her a new vessel.”

“What about me?”

“You? No, I wouldn’t subject you to her level of nitpicking. I love you too much for that.” 

“Or you just want to keep all that power for yourself?”

“I have not once used her calling to force anyone to do anything. It is just convenient to be able to communicate without having to be in the same physical space.” Solas corrected quickly, his hand cradling his daughter’s fragile head. 

The babe unlatches herself, eyes slowly shutting. Transferring her to Solas, she clothes herself once more before looping her arm with his. 

“Thank you for feeding her.” Solas chirped, standing as he waves Keeper Deshenna forward once more. “Please, take our child back to her chambers and see that she sleeps in peace.” 

“Yes Sir,” she nods respectfully, keeping her eyes low as she took the swaddled child, rocking her gently and humming a lullaby as she walked away. 

An unexpected, maybe even unwanted wave of desire washed over Ellana. So sudden, it made her moan softly and roll her eyes back into her head. 

“My love?” Solas whispered in concern, catching her as she almost falls back. 

“She has been drinking from me more frequently but in less amounts. I feel sore all the time and my back hurts.”

“Your… what is sore?” Solas widened his eyes, leaning in closer to her lips. 

“My.. mammary glands?” Struggling to find the most medically correct phrase whilst remaining appropriate for the surroundings, Ellana let out an embarrassed moan before marching back in the direction of their chambers. 

“Wait! Wait I can help with that.” Solas beamed, catching up to her before sweeping her into his arms once more. “I can help with the soreness.”

“Oh?” Stopping in her tracks, Ellana twirls around to face him. 

“If you would let me of course. _Help. With the problem._ ”

“Oh… _OH. Help. With it._ Would that be strange?”

“Why would it be strange?” Solas frowned, focusing more on navigating them back to the room than the conversation itself. 

“You know, because you’re not a baby.”

“ _How did you think I mean when I said I could help?"_

_ “Wait, how did you mean it?” _

“No you tell me first, what did you assume I would do to assist with your situation?”

A deep redness flushed over her features, she looked away in silence. 

“Oh goodness, _you thought I was proposing that I.._ “

“No we don’t have to do that if you have another idea.”

_“Do you want me to do that?”_ Solas chuckled, deeply enjoying catching her in this train of thought. 

“I don’t know, I’ve been having strange desires lately. I was assured it was my post pregnancy hormones talking. I don’t remember experiencing this the last time I was with child.” 

“I mean.. I can if it would make you happy. I was curious how it would taste.”

“I assume it would taste like modified sweat, which is exactly what it is.” Ellana replied in a matter of factly tone. 

Arriving in their chambers once more, Solas sits her down on the edge of the bed, kneeling before her after shutting the doors. 

“Do you want me to assist or not?” 

Ellana shut her eyes, feeling the shyness crash over her. This was stupid, he’s seen her undressed before, why she felt suddenly shy around him was completely unexpected.

She untied her bodice from her dress, her form enticing and lithe under her sheer dress, patches of moisture dribbling down the front. 

"Do I have consent to proceed?" 

_"Yes." Ellana replied softly, barely a squeak._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hands up if you want to see how this unfold ~


	23. let me serve you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> slightly nsfw chapter coming your way after a small hiatus~ please enjoy this small gift.

Ellana hid her face in her hands, through the cracks between her fingers she watches Solas shuffle forwards on his knees, his hands gliding up and down her thighs. 

“Have you done it yet _\- Ahh.._ ” She shudders, feeling his lips wrap around her left nipple before his tongue licked the tip. 

“Too much?”

“Nope, just _no teeth._ ”

“No teeth. Of course.” He echos back softly, replacing his lips quickly. 

Ellana notices a certain pressure within her breast, bordering pain and pleasure, soreness and contentment. With squinted eyes, she observes him suckle to the point where his mouth was filled. Solas pulls back, eyes quizzical and brows tangled. He looks up at Ellana before swallowing. 

“So? How was it?”

“It doesn’t actually have any sort of taste at all, it’s not what you imagine actually. The consistency is thinner than goats milk but I can say it’s quite similar to almond milk.” Solas nods, unexpectedly surprised. 

Ellana raised her eyebrows, nodding slowly and removing her hands from her face. 

“ _Come here._ ” Ellana commanded, moving back on the bed and petting the space between her bent legs. 

Solas eagerly does as she asks, kneeling between her open legs, his hands propped by her hips as his head hung low. 

“Good boy, what an obedient boy.” Ellana praises. “ _Good pupper_.” 

Whipping his head up at the mention of being a good puppy, Solas’ grin was wide across his face, his eyes filled with adoration. “I only want to make you happy.” Solas continues, leaning closer against her chest before continuing with his suckling. 

Ellana moaned softly, arching her back into his lips. Listening to her body, Solas lowers himself so she does not need to arch up to him. 

“ _I want your fingers._ " Ellana requests, reaching down for his hand. Solas offers his hand equally willingly, following her hand up to her throat and then down her neck, her sternum, her recently pregnant belly before stopping at her scar. 

He looked up at her before placing several kisses over her stretch marks and her deflated belly. “Gorgeous. My Queen is gorgeous.” He encourages, returning his lips onto her left nipple. Ellana shuts her eyes, feeling a familiar arousal return to her lower belly and travelling fast down her thighs and up her back. Solas reaches for her right hand once more, remember that he had not been given permission to take his hand away. Gentle and steady, he follows her hands down to the apex of her legs. 

Recently birthing, she was still healing from her tears in her birth canal, Solas took care not to jostle her wounds. He places his thumb over her form covered in her small clothes, rubbing her clitoris over the fabric in circles gently and earning a moan from her. 

“ _Keep going._ ” She commanded, although he would have done so regardless. 

Solas growls impatiently, almost as though he was insulted that she thought he would need to be told something so obvious. He plants his lips on her right nipple before resuming his suckling. 

“Thank you.” Ellana breathes under her breath, feeling her recent anger for him dissipate. 

“You are most welcome,” Solas moves up to her lips, covering them with his own. “I love you.” He repeats over and over, his fingers drawing circles on her clit in a steady pace. 

“Ah, sensitive,” Ellana exclaims as she pushes his hand away quickly and withdrawing suddenly. 

“I’m sorry! I’ll be careful!” Solas growls, retreating quickly and pressing a kiss over her small clothes. 

“I want you to come here now.” Ellana pats the space beside her. 

“Yes, my Queen.” 

“Lay down.”

“Yes, my Queen.” 

“Close your eyes.”

Ellana moves to lay above him, putting her head in the nook of his neck as he tries to pull the covers over both of them. In this position she could barely reach his toes and he was still at least a head above her in height. She notices a hardness growing close to her hip. 

“I think you’ve done enough with your mouth, but I’m feeling quite.. frustrated because my wounds are kind of still healing.” She sighs against his ears, feeling him nuzzle against her, his freshly shaven chin and jaw soft on her skin. 

“May I try something?” Solas offers, covering her back with both his arms and pulling her into a spoon. 

“Go on.” 

Solas traces a rune over her back, immediately causing her to moan in contentment and pleasure. He traces the shape over and over again from her neck to her spine to her lower back, his lips attaching themselves to her neck as she writhes in waves of arousal.

“Stronger?” He enquires, his skin tingling with the rune that he is casting as he tries to focus and muster all his energy towards her. 

“Ye…Yes..” She hisses, feeling herself squeezing down with her core. 

Solas growls louder, clutching her tighter and digging his fingers into her back as he repeats the enchantment over and over. Ellana could not help herself but moan loudly, writhing and feeling waves of sustained pleasure roll over here. 

“I’d.. curse in your name.. but it’s too weird now that we’re married..” Ellana chuckled breathlessly as she realises he has no intentions of letting her stop feeling pleasure. 

“You can still curse in my name, I am still the wretched creature I was when you met me.” Solas says sadly, bringing up his enchantment up a level as he feels his own energy drain from his hands and into her body. “Please, accept this gift from me, it is all yours.” He repeats, clutching onto her tighter as she wraps her legs around his thighs and grind along his manhood. 

“Solas.. Solas please, too much pleasure..” She begs, almost tempted to allow him to penetrate her despite the pain she would feel afterwards. 

“You’re not crying yet, it’s not too much yet.” He adjusts her into a spoon, reaching down between her legs to continue stimulating her clitoris. 

“Solas please, too much.. “ She cried out with pleasure, feeling the sustained orgasm ebb and flow within her, feeling a tear squeeze out from her eye and absorb into the pillowcase. 

“Good girl. _Accept my gift_ ,” he growls, leaving various bites along her shoulders. As he reduces the intensity of the enchantment, the runes slowly disappear from her skin. 

Ellana feels the edge of her orgasm, breathing irregularly and making tiny noises of pleasure as she comes down from her high. Breathing hard and feeling her sweat stain the sheets, she opens her eyes to meet his gaze.

“ _If you could do that why do we even bother with penetration?_ ” She laughs, feeling her entire body settle with peace and relaxing her muscles. The pain in her breasts lessened, though not significantly. 

“I’m an overachiever.” Solas winks, grabbing a glass of water off of the bedside counter and placing it close to her mouth. “Water?”

“Yes thank you.” Ellana finishes half the glass before handing it back to Solas who finishes it completely. 

“ _Rub my scalp._ ” Ellana commands once more, not missing a beat. 

Solas shifts from his half sitting position, pulling Ellana onto his lap where he now sat upright completely and working his fingers into her hair, alternating the pressure of his palms. 

“Thank you.” She manages, eyes folding over slowly. 

“Sleep, my beloved.” Solas leans down, placing a kiss over her chest where her heart was. “Let me take care of you now. Let me spoil you. Let me serve you.” 

Nodding, Ellana slips into slumber, not noticing the sleep sigils Solas drew over her forehead. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my, why is Solas intentionally causing Ellana to feel drowsiness? Surely he doesn't have plans for her? 
> 
> Or does he?


	24. Here with you

She was rocking when she awoke. Ellana did not recognise her surroundings. Soft pink fabrics above her head, the mattress below was soft and lined with pelts. Alone once more, in a carriage, her dress lined with fur and her windows padded. The carriage was not dark, the light filtered in through slits at the edges of the carriage. She could hear the sound of soldiers outside, hoofs and commanders. 

Within her beautiful embroidered cage, Ellana peered out of the curtains at the front of the carriage. He was in full armour, bells and whistles and gold. His eyes focused, he swayed on the saddle atop the halla connected to her carriage. Two rows of soldiers marched by the sides, two more battering rams and arches to her back and front. 

_ Where are we going?  _

Solas turned, yelling for the entire party to stop. Moving to the carriage compartment, he steps within, bringing her into his embrace once more. 

“You said you wanted to go home. I’m taking you home. You said you would be happy if you went home.” Solas whispered into her ear, nuzzling her under his chin protectively. 

_ “Skyhold?”  _

“Yes, my Queen.” He purrs, his fingers cradling her hands carefully. “I had not expected you to be awake so early.”

Ellana shut her eyes, trying not to think about her motivations. 

“Where is my children?”

“Safe. They’re in the carriage behind.” Solas comforted her with his words as he smiled, his eyes almost tranquil. 

“I see.” 

“Is something wrong?” Solas responded, stroking her cheek. “Have I displeased you?” 

Shaking her head, Ellana removed his hand from her cheek. “I just did not expect to be moved in my sleep.” 

“Ah. Well, I wanted to surprise you.” 

Stepping out of the carriage, she almost fell onto the snow below if not for his grip on her elbow. 

“I remember this place.. I remember trudging through the snow to find you.”

“I was so worried, after the fall of Haven.. I would have traded myself to be in your place.” Solas strolled beside her, his arm protectively around her waist. “It’s cold out here, would you like to return to the warmth?”

“No.” 

He let out a sigh, his expression soft and unreadable. “Perhaps you will share with me your desires when you are ready.”

“You wouldn’t say yes to.. that..” 

Raising his eyebrows, he meandered to stand before her. “I’m moving my Capital for you. What else wouldn’t I do?” 

“You wouldn’t let me ride you.”

_“Ride.. me?”_ Solas grinned. “What greater endorsement for Matriach than being on the back of the Dread Wolf?” 

“You’d let me?”

Solas stepped a distance away, with a conflagration of light, he emerges as the great beast himself. The surrounding soldiers gasped, some even fell back in fear. The more experienced soldiers stood their ground and looked unimpressed. Making way for him, the surrounding archers reformed themselves to surround the wolf who bowed deeply before Ellana. 

“Do I.. just.. okay.” Ellana shuffled forwards, trying to climb onto him and slipping almost off his shoulders. After some effort, she managed to stay between his large shoulders, giggling in amusement at the highest she’s even been, almost reaching the tops of the trees. 

**_ Happy now? _ **

_ Yes.  _

Solas shook off the snow gathering in his fur at the sound of her voice in his mind, walking forwards steadily whilst carrying his precious cargo, breaking into a run ahead of the accompanying soldiers. Faster and faster he went, through the mountains, through the trees, crossing over hilltops and valleys. She could see it now, her home alone before the great river and valleys. 

She remembered the days where she would come back from campaigns tired and weary, only to be greeted by Cullen’s soldiers and the medic team. Her bed, so comforting after days of laying on mats and grass. A certain sense of nostalgia restored. It would seem as though what she thought was grand was in fact not the reality. 

The palace greeting her was unfamiliar. Banners of red and gold replaced by the Fen’Harel’s insignia; a wolf with six eyes guarding over a crown of flowers. The walls were replaced with marble and painted over with murals depicting the Inquisitor restoring the world. She had not anticipated how large his armies would be, lined neatly at each exit, spies in the trees, farms laying around the valleys for food and shelter. 

His arrival caused much stirring, the soldiers at the gate revered him, watching her with curious eyes. He set her down on the podium much like Cullen had done years ago, watching his people gather before her. Solas returns to his elf form, walking up the steps to join Ellana. He waited for the crowd to gather. Once more, Ellana found it strange and foreign to be in a place once filled with all different races to only elves. Kneeling before her, Solas presses his lips to her feet. The crowd echoed his actions, falling to their knees before raising their palms in praise. 

“Friends, I am humbled today to stand before you to present our Matriach, our Inquisitor, the healer of the skies, her Radiance, for which without her we would all still be under the yoke of submission.” Solas declared, the irony of which did not escape him, for he was in absolute submission to his wife. “We will soon be joined by more of our brothers and sisters, I ask only that you find it in your hearts to welcome them and free them of their fears.”

“I want to say something.” Ellana started, pulling Solas up on his feet once more and watching him kiss her fingers with adoration. 

The crowd stood once Solas has risen, inching forwards to get a better glimpse of her. 

“I’ve always believed that the higher one ranks, the more people they need to be in service to. I don’t take my role lightly. As a mother, I want only for my children to flourish and to be happy and safe. I carry the same sentiment with me to those who wish to take shelter under my wings. Thank you for accepting me and for letting me serve once again. I have nothing but love and gratitude.” 

Ellana was getting better at public speaking, image management and picking the right words. She watches as Solas sank to his knees once more, the crowd lined all the way from the entrance of the gate to the watchtower following his actions. 

_“Praise her.”_ Solas exclaimed, his hands reaching for hers as he nuzzled her shin before standing back up once more. The crowd follows suit, their voices a mixture of joy and exaltation. 

Ellana reached for his arm, making her way up the steps to the Grand Hall. 

The fixtures were different. The banners, the tables, carpets, the drapes, the throne. Her throne. Where the Inquisition throne once was, now replaced with a larger one. It was a chair of gold and vines, a wolf curled around the back of it protectively. She remembered how to get to her room well. Turning left and heading up the steps, she prepared herself for the renovations. 

The doors open. 

Light poured in from the stained glass windows, the papers on the table exactly where she left them. Her bed, her wardrobe, her books. He changed nothing except the bedsheets. 

Turning around to hug him, she was unable to stop her tears. 

“It’s all still here, everything how I left it..” She managed between her cries, “ You left it exactly the same..” 

Solas smiles, carrying her to the bed. 

“You wanted to come home. It still has to feel like home to you.” He explains, placing her gently on the new sheets. “Happy now? Can we rebuild the empire from here?” 

“Yes, I’m happy.” She clung onto his shoulders, feeling him right there by her side. “This is all I wanted. I want you to be here. I want you to never leave.” 

Letting out a sigh, Solas stroked her back gently while she cried. “I am right here. I will always be right here.” 

Ellana’s eyes observed the crib located in the upper deck next to the mural of her. “And you made space for the children..” 

“Of course.” 

Ellana pressed her forehead on his. “I’m not the Inquisitor anymore. Don’t call me that again.”

Solas nods, eager eyes tender with affection. “No, you are our Queen now. You are our champion who will lead us to glory, you are our mother who heals our wounds, you are our pride. My pride.” 

“Pride.” She breathes her tears staining her cheeks, her lips finding his once more. 

_“I’m here. I’m here with you.”_ Solas answers. 

"Now my work begins." Ellana shuts her eyes, her mind buzzing with ideas. 


	25. NOT A CHAPTER

DA:I RP ON DISCORD

Hello everyone! 

We’ve started our discord RP group and we have several characters that are still available! We are easing writers in slowly so as to see how the dynamics feel before going all out. 

The available writing roles for now are:

  
\- Iron bull   
\- Vivienne   
\- Josephine   
\- Cassandra   
\- Blackwall   
\- Hawke (any gender) 

Currently in play are:   
\- Cullen   
\- Solas   
\- Cole   
\- Varric   
\- Dorian  
\- Sera

\- M!Lavellan   
\- F!Lavellan   
\- F!Trevelyan

If you’re interested in joining us, please do DM me and prepare a little intro on yourself/your writing experience and who you wanna write!! If you want to write a character I have not listed, just drop me a message and we can go from there! 

Thank you!! And have fun!!


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